10 Jobs Every Montrealer Has Before They Become An "Adult"
You're well into your twenties, you've finished your undergrad, and you're all ready to move into the next stage of life. Well, at least your parents are ready, as they constantly ask you questions like "what are you going to do now" or variations on similar inquiries you simply can't answer without having a panic attack.
What you really want to do is continue your responsibility-free existence as a twenty-nothing forever. Unhindered with the stresses of a job that forces you to work long hours, and surrounded with peeps who have the same (and can thus party with you on a Wednesday), not being an adult is pretty sweet.
It's actually such a good life you want it to continue for as long as possible. Unfortunately, you need at least some form of income. Good thing Montreal is kind of the perfect setting to prevent the onset of adulthood.
With low rent prices and plenty of employment opportunities for folks like you who don't want any real responsibility, Montreal lets you live in adult-limbo a lot longer than most cities. So, to commemorate all the jobs you had (or still have) in order to avoid ever becoming a real person (shame on you if you've already given in) here are ten jobs every Montrealer has before they become an "adult."
Call Centre Employee/Telemarketer
Anglophones who know next to no French (shame on thee) understand the struggle of finding some form of paying employment in MTL, which is why many flock to the phones at a call centre, where a lack of functional French isn't much of an issue in some cases. Of course, there are tons of French call centres too, and they're suitable for staving off adulthood for many of the same reasons.
Lacking any real previous experience, a call centre gig is pretty easy to get and can pay the bills you need to cover in your pre-adulthood.
Keeping your sanity, and any shred of self-worth, is an entirely different story. Constantly being rebuked by anyone who happens to pick up their phone (you pray the phone just rings and rings), mainly because you're viewed as the scum of society, being a call centre employee saps you of any and all joy and happiness.
But hey, it pays, and once in a while you get an enjoyable call. Once in a long while, actually.
You finished undergrad, and without any job prospects, you're thinking "now what?" The answer is "I have no idea."
So, as a subtle means to avoid becoming a real person while making it seem like you're working towards a real goal, you apply to a graduate program. Sure, you aren't really sure what a graduate degree in communications will do for you in the future, but it's a welcome distraction from the ever-present question of "what am I doing with my life."
You have no restaurant experience, but you do have a physical body. Yay, you're qualified to be a bus boy/girl! Thank the good lord, too, because you seriously need some form of income to justify not moving back in with your parents.
Best of all, the bus boy/girl gig totally suits your non-adult lifestyle. As long as you're not working at a breakfast place (I totally made that mistake) your hours will be on the late-side, meaning you can maintain your 2pm wake up time and still make it to work on time.
Or, for those who seriously can't deal with human interaction of any sort, the restaurant industry always provides the dishwasher gig for all those who need to make some cash without dealing with any of the responsibilities of adulthood.
In truth, folks discredit the inherent difficulty of being a dishwasher. At a busy restaurant, it can be a pretty stressful job. But for those who can cut it, you get to enjoy the many boons of working in the restaurant world, namely late hours, working with friendly folks, and getting fed at work. Honestly that last one is kind of the best for anyone who isn't at the cooking-for-oneself stage of adulthood.
Ah, the classic Montreal job that walks the line between exploitation and actual experience. Perfect for those fresh out of (or still in) university, an internship makes it seem to your parents that you're actually doing something that can benefit your career, thus prompting them to totally keep paying for everything.
In actuality, you got hired to do social media or something basic like that, and you continue to go out every night knowing you can head into "work" hungover and no one would even notice a dip in your performance.
One of the trendier gigs on this list, because if you can get a job at a hip third-wave coffee shop in Montreal, you're automatically among the hipster elite. Unfortunately, being a barista at Starbucks or Second Cup doesn't afford the same amount of hipster prestige, but it does prevent the dawn of adulthood in many of the same ways.
Yes, you may have to wake up early to get to the cafe when people are fiending coffee, and there are some basic skills required (steaming milk, pulling espresso shots, etc.) but in general, a barista job is pretty laid-back. And not only do you get paid, you get tons of free coffee, helping you fuel your late nights and early mornings. Because you're not old enough yet to understand the benefits of a full night's sleep.
Now, a regular server, one who works year-round, isn't on this list because many Montrealers have achieved adulthood in the occupation. Many more are Peter Pan'ing as a server, using the fairly high income to justify not getting another job, but regardless, there are real adults who are servers.
Summer servers, not so much. These are the folks who scramble for a job come summer, coming aboard as the entirely replaceable extra staff needed to accommodate the influx of customers that come with the season. That, or you just get hired by some event company to hand out drinks at Formula 1.
Regardless, all you need is basic social interaction skills, fair-to-good grooming, and an abundance of time come the warmer months to be qualified for the role of summer server. And even though you might be unemployed when September hits, you were still able to fund all of your summer antics with the job, thus ensuring the pressure of adulthood didn't overtake you.
What's the best way to seem hip, involved, and trendy without actually getting paid or having a real person job? Volunteer at one of the many festivals that go down in the summer, of course.
Not only will you get to go to the festival for free, you'll also meet tons of cool and important people, you know, the ones who have the kick-ass adult jobs you wish you had.
In your mind, your justifying the lack of pay with the whole networking thing, but in reality, you just need something to do with your time over the summer that doesn't involve panic attacks related to a quarter life crisis.
If you're not already busy trying to become a DJ/musician/the next big thing in the nightlife scene, then you're trying to get involved in the industry the only way someone without much talent can: by being an event promoter.
Really, the only qualifications needed to call yourself an event promoter are "knowing people" and being able to make a Facebook event page. And handing out flyers on the street, of course. Other than that, you're set, and you can feel all cool and hip by being able to say to people you represent Montreal's up and coming talent, or whatever line you bust out when people ask you what you do with your life.
Eventually, however, the overall lack of pay will catch up to you, and you'll be forced to get something with a salary. Or keep on living the dream and work coat check to stay engrained into the nightlife scene.
Video Game Tester
Honestly, the pay can be pretty solid when you're a video game tester. But let's be real, you're playing video games for money. As cool as that sounds to a 7 year old, it's not exactly an adult-level job. Nor does it really look all that relevant on a resume when applying to a job outside of the gaming industry.
But for perpetuating your man-child lifestyle, nothing is really better. So relish in it before the adulthood creeps up on you and you examine the state of your life. Severe depression and anxiety will then immediately follow.