Nothing is worse than a boring romp in the sack, and since variety is the spice of life and all that, we thought it would be fun to share with y'all some of our favourite Montreal sex positions. None of these were really created in Montreal, and can be done anywhere, but each one has a distinct MTL-flavour to it.
Apologies for the hetero-dominance to the post, but since pin-dolls are androgynous anyway, so just imagine whatever kind of genitalia you like best. All photos were taken from SexualPositionsFree.com, which also has a bunch of other moves to try out if you're looking for more.
But enough rambling, lets get to the good stuff with these 10 Montreal Sex Positions:
The Expo 69 (aka The Classic 69)
Let's start things off easy with a well-known favourite: the 69. A pretty easy swtich to MTL-ize this bread and butter sex position, and even makes some thematic sense. Just as Expo 69 (yes we know its '67, just go with us here) was a mutual celebration of the world's cultures and Montreal itself, so is the 69 a good time for both folks involved.
The Chez Serge (aka The Cowgirl)
No drunk girl (or guy for that matter) can resist the urge to ride the mechanical bull when at Chez Serge. Riding the bull is exactly like the cowgirl position, and for those looking to switch it up, just turn it around for the Reverse Chez Serge...though we don't recommend doing that on the real mechanical bull.
The Notre Dame Basilica (aka Missionary)
Even the most prudish of us need to get it on, and when they do, they only rock the Notre Dame Basilica, known outside of Montreal as the missionary position. Any church could have gained this sex-title, but Notre Dame won out for its notoriety...and its the only sex position my brain can handle imagining Celine Dion doing on her wedding night. #Dark
The Dirti-UQAM (aka The Saw Horse 3-Way)
A meeting of three different metro lines (Orange, Green, and Yellow) Berri-UQAM station is the perfect MTL-correlation for the Saw Horse, which similarly links three separate entities via genitals and orifices. And that's maybe the most academic/politically correct way one could describe a sex position sometimes known as the "spitroast."
The Village (aka doggie style)
If you need this one explained to you, then you have a lot to learn about gay men and what they do in the bedroom. Anal sex positions come in many a form, so I just chose the laying down from behind approach, a personal favourite.
The Cirque du Soleil (aka The Winged Eros)
If you're pulling this baby off, you have some legit flexibility and core strength going, much like an acrobat at Crique du Soleil (or one of Montreal's circus schools) would. This one also lends itself nicely to some sexy circus-themed role playing. What, no one else thinks clowns are hot? Okay, maybe just me, but no one can say acrobats aren't on the top of their "to-fvck" list.
The Saint-Laurent (aka The Double Sow Cow)
Just like the street, this sex position is simple, yet a little complex, and a good mix of wholesome (for sex positions at least) with dirty. Plus, you're both facing one way in a one-over-the-other line, just like how St. Laurent is a one-way street of activity.
The Montreal Bagel (aka The Kneeling Pretzel)
Knead the dough that is your two bodies into a circular sex position that mirrors the iconic Montreal bagel. Wrap around your partner and get ready for a good time that rivals the pleasure of a freshly baked bagel. Note: plain is best with this bagel, as poppy or sesame seeds will result in a very rigorous cleanup.
The Mount Royal (aka The Mountain Climber)
Here's a combo of a good time with a little bit of exercise, much like a walk up Mt. Royal. The man on top is meant to support his weight with his arms as he "mounts" the lady (though two dudes can get this done too) making for a solid arm/pelvis workout. Smoke a joint before for the full "Mount Royal" effect.
The Sunday Brunch (aka The Simple Spoon)
After a weekend of partying, all you want to do on Sunday is eat a whole mess of brunch foods and chill out all day, probably at the park. The same goes for the time after an intense sex'ing sesh. Cuddle up and relax with your partner, its what Sundays were made for.
*BONUS*: The Poutine (aka The Big L)
A sex position designed for those with a lot cushion for the pushin', the Poutine/Big L is for couples who simply eat too much poutine, and thus have some extra weight to throw around the bedroom. The lady is meant to lay on her side, so only the dude's gut gets in the way of slipping it in, and if that can't be done, well, its time to put down the poutine.
Still looking for a "good time"? Click here for 10 Smart Reasons Why You Should Be Having A Lot More Sex >
For more on all things Montreal, follow Michael on Twitter @MDAlimonte