- Can you imagine trying to smuggle meth in a chocolate bunny? What about coke in a pumice stone?
- From drugs to hot dogs and some other weird stuff, Quebec border agents have their work cut out for them.
- These are the most hilariously ridiculous ways people have tried to smuggle illegal stuff into Quebec.
Canada has been ranked #2 in the world for most cocaine use, so the agents at the Canadian Border Services Agency definitely have their hands full working to stop the incoming of illegal drugs.
But did you know that they still find time to run a Twitter account? And that they regularly tweet about particularly noteworthy seizures that they've made at airports and other ports of entry?
Well, in doing research for my article about where the "dirty money" that has been seized in Quebec goes, I found myself scrolling through the CBSA Twitter account and... honestly, I couldn't help but laugh at some of these hilarious attempts to smuggle illegal things into the province.
You've got to give it to criminals, they often really know how to think outside of the box. Or, in some cases how to think around the inside of a box so as to make space for lethal amounts of methamphetamines.
Although, I guess it's safe to say that these following cases, while hilarious, were clearly not successful, considering that the CBSA is tweeting about them.
But, if nothing else, they are completely ridiculous to the point of hilarity and I just had to share them with you.
Without further ado, here are some of the most ridiculously hilarious ways people have tried to smuggle illegal shit into Quebec.
Top of the list and the first tweet I saw, which inevitably set this whole thing off: opium in a bag of nuts.
But not just in the bag of nuts... the nuts themselves are made entirely of opium.
2.4 kilograms of suspected opium resin were seized last week by border services officers at the Montreal mail proce… https://t.co/fHWTmu2LJu— Border Services QUE (@Border Services QUE)1558456156.0
Which, apparently, is the smuggling mode of choice when it comes to opium, because it happened in August of last year, as well.
The diligence of the border services officers working at the Léo-Blanchette MPC in Montréal led to the arrest by th… https://t.co/hV9lU7goo4— Border Services QUE (@Border Services QUE)1533218211.0
Such care and craftsmanship. The nuts... so lifelike.
Like the fake fruit on the table at your Aunt Carol's house... only if you accidentally popped one of these babies in your mouth, the trip you'd be on would not be to Aunt Carol's house, y'know what I mean?
Ok, I'm sorry, no more drug puns.
My next best offering, and my personal favourite, is the meth bunny.
Need I say more?
On February 21, #CBSA officers at the Montréal-Mirabel Airport discovered 8 grams of crystal meth in the packaging… https://t.co/8S1Uu0T0R3— Border Services QUE (@Border Services QUE)1552932613.0
Someone, somewhere went, "Ah, yes, a chocolate bunny, they'll never suspect it."
And then, even after seeing it all stuffed with drugs, as terrifying as it was, they still said, "Yes, send it. They'll never know."
This one isn't extremely hilarious but I can't help laughing at how unsuspecting and strange pumice stone seems to me.
A package containing 3.2 kg of suspected cocaine was intercepted at the commercial section of Montréal-Trudeau Airp… https://t.co/3DX0ytIsW8— Border Services QUE (@Border Services QUE)1530127282.0
And this picture isn't helping at all, where are the drugs? Are those not records? How exactly did they put the cocaine into the porous rock?
Like I said, I'm confused.
Whereas, objects like a flashlight, okay sure, I see it:
On May 16, #CBSA Officers at Montreal Léo Blanchette Mail Processing Center seized 1 kg of suspected cocaine concea… https://t.co/3CNS5KG4F1— Border Services QUE (@Border Services QUE)1558533631.0
I mean, I get why they tried it, consider a flashlight is hollow. But how obvious is that?! Can you imagine picking it up?
Following a seizure of 328g of heroin by CBSA officers at the Leo-Blanchette #Montreal Mail processing Centre, the… https://t.co/tsgbPkqgfS— Border Services QUE (@Border Services QUE)1547223008.0
Also this package full of handicrafts and heroin... amazing. They literally taped the heroin on the outside of the box!!!!!
"Just some souvenirs for my cousin, nothing to see here!"
Where the previous smuggler went the route of over-packaging their drugs, our next smuggler decided, no.
On December 7, BSOs at the Commercial Section of Montréal-Trudeau Airport seized approximately two kilograms of sus… https://t.co/jXSUl7fwow— Border Services QUE (@Border Services QUE)1544563481.0
Glass wrapped in Christmas paper. Then you can label it FRAGILE and the border agents won't ever suspect a thing.
Two individuals returning from Costa Rica attempting to smuggle suspected cocaine hidden inside 10 containers were… https://t.co/PEG7K86nbU— Border Services QUE (@Border Services QUE)1542829593.0
Some of these choices make me wonder what smugglers think regular people travel with.
Like that would have to have been some special ass juice that you need to bring two of those things home with you... from Costa Rica.
And again with the sticking of the drugs on the outside of the container. It draws attention to it!!! I'm so mad.
This next one is just a willful desire to believe that detector dogs don't exist.
On january 17, CBSA officers at the #MTL-Trudeau Airport’s Commercial Office have seized 639 kg of hashish in shipm… https://t.co/Fe1922yCCu— Border Services QUE (@Border Services QUE)1553353248.0
Over 600 kg of hashish and you don't think anyone is going to smell that?
I would suspect there is a border agent or two that knows what good hashish smells like, not to mention their skilled and stupidly cute detector dogs.
Very proud of @canborder detector dogs like Scout who are specially trained to detect certain drugs, guns, money, a… https://t.co/hAXCRWIWgh— John Ossowski (@John Ossowski)1517585545.0
Some of these are listed here simply because if something has been done, in a TV show or movie, then you have automatically failed, you're done, go home.
Because some people are out here actually trying, okay?
In fact, sometimes they're actually quite clever. Case and point, this luggage-handle smuggle:
On September 25, border services officers from the Montréal-Trudeau airport searched the luggage of a traveller ret… https://t.co/xiNv7SsZc3— Border Services QUE (@Border Services QUE)1538502739.0
Very outside the box.
And here, at the bottom of the list: the absolutely no-attempt-at-all.
On September 24, CBSA officers at the Port of Montreal seized more than 106 kilos of cocaine during the offload of… https://t.co/70zMyik88Z— Border Services QUE (@Border Services QUE)1539114266.0
I mean, duffle bags? Really?
Even I know to check a duffle bag for drugs, and I've not been trained in anything other than reading poetry.
Honestly, these guys deserved to get caught.
Ok here are two bonus entries which didn't involve weird ways people were smuggling stuff, but just weird stuff itself.
Namely, this pangolin carcass that looks like someone tried to make some kinda jerky out of.
On July 17, the carcasses of endangered and protected animals under #CITES (pangolin and varanus) were discovered b… https://t.co/G4Jsm4v0SY— Border Services QUE (@Border Services QUE)1564660863.0
Also, loving the CBSA hashtags, I hope you guys have been appreciating those along the way. #knowbeforeyougo #BeAwareAndDeclare and of course the classic #busted.
On August 12, at #airportmontreal, #CBSA intercepted several packages of sausages containing pork in a traveller's… https://t.co/c3ITvP4xgM— Border Services QUE (@Border Services QUE)1565802083.0
And our final strange smuggle... hot dogs.
Listen, we don't care how good your dogs are, we're out here trying to prevent the spread of African Swine Fever, okay?