20 Ways Montrealers Win At Life

We're not bad.
20 Ways Montrealers Win At Life

Photo cred - @imaustinhk

Are we too narcissistic? Nah. No shame in being awesome and knowing it.

1. You have an innate geographical intuition measuring "pothole depth, frequency, and quality" against "affluence of street" (i.e. distance from Westmount)

2. Not getting lost very often.

Montreal's roads may not be too great, but at least the city centre is easy navigate because it's on a grid system, and a lot of the buses lead to a metro system. Take that, other cities! Wait, other cities don’t have a grid system, right? That’s a Montreal thing? Yeah.

3. You’ve survived harsh winters that would make the Stark family cringe.

4. While the Sami language has about 180 words for "snow", you have twice as many as that.

...mostly because you can use the word for "dead, brown slush" as a root for all of the others

5. You know how to appreciate old things (well, sort of)

6. From your childhood, you still remember terrifying French TV shows like Téléfrançais, and its pineapple thing.

The most terrifying thing is how many sober people probably approved this before it aired.

7. You have the ability to go through an entire educational system without knowing what its name stands for.

It could stand for "Chillingly Endless Gathering of Educational Problems" and you wouldn't know.

8.You have come up with the perfect 30-second rundown to explain what a CEGEP to Americans.

"It's a type of - fuck it - I went to school, okay?"

9. You’ve either become a master of layering clothes, or you’ve developed a total immunity to feel the cold.

Or both.

10. HABS

I mean, you live in the same city as them. Throughout, like, half of the year. That means they're in YOUR BLOOD. GO HABS GO.

11. "If the Habs win, Montreal riots. If they lose, Montreal goes home for a quiet night in”

You are able to successfully rationalised this, and you've lost the ability to register how little sense it actually makes.

12. Even if you’re not a hockey fan, you’ve picked up enough info from people around you that you can successfully fake your way through any hockey conversation.

13. You know two names for every major street, metro station, and landmark.

One in French and one in English.

14. In fact, you know that speaking two languages is barely noteworthy

Saying you're bilingual is like saying you know how to ride a bike without training wheels.

15. But Anglophones have the ability to skillfully memorise and completely master barely-relevant phrases in French

...while avoiding actually learning the language.

16. You have distilled planning your summer festival attendance into an art

A fine art – frantically searching for scalpers, refining optimal STM routes to a tee, triangulating beer locations while ignoring bathroom locations

17. You can immediately tell the difference between a Montreal-style bagel, a New York-style bagel, and those weird bread rings they sell in supermarkets

18. You have the ability to be equally outraged at pretty much any political change in this city

Despite knowing that it’ll likely entail nothing different. Same thing goes for any change in the Habs lineup. And the rotation of motorway repairs. And people using French or English when they should have been using English or French.

19. You understand why Mont-Royal is a real mountain.

Doesn’t matter what people from other cities say about Mount Royal being “just a small hill”. It’s a mountain, goddammit. OUR mountain.

20.  You don't live in Toronto.

Oh burn.

(Sorry, Drake.)

If you’re also a weirdo about Montreal culture and humour, find Sijia on Twitter (@chuffystilton) or on her tumblr.

Iconic Montreal Deli Boucherie Slovenia Is Closing Its Doors Forever

Boucherie Slovenia will soon serve its last spicy sausage.

Boucherie Slovenia, a boulevard Saint-Laurent institution for 50 years, will soon serve its last spicy sausage.

The iconic home of enormous Eastern European-style sandwiches — Slovenian sausage and towering cold-cuts were staples — will close its doors forever on January 29, said the owners, Lourdes Rodrigues and Jean Teixeira, in a Facebook post.

Keep Reading Show less

Montreal Was Ranked One Of Canada's Greenest Cities When It Comes To Transport

Montreal takes the lead as the most bicycle-friendly city in all of North America.

Montreal is certainly no stranger to a traffic jam, which makes taking public transit a more viable option to not only get around faster but do more good for the environment.

As Canadian cities take the initiative to improve their transit systems and reduce their carbon footprints, Montreal has become one of the country's greenest metropolitan areas when it comes to transport, according to one ranking.

Keep Reading Show less

After a long wait full of rumours and speculation, the Montreal Canadiens have finally named their new general manager. Welcome to the circus, Kent Hughes!

As part of the new administration with Executive Vice President of Hockey Operations Jeff Gorton and Vice President of Communications Chantal Machabée, Hughes is an outside-the-box hire for a team that desperately needs a cultural rebuild both on and off the ice.

Keep Reading Show less

2021 Was Montreal's Hottest Year On Record

Here's what's in store for the first few months of 2022.

It's official — 2021 was the hottest year on record for Montreal, according to Environment Canada. It beat out the previous hottest years, 1998 and 2012, by a mean few hundredths of a degree.

This rise in temperature in Montreal is attributed to new weather patterns, causing scorching temperatures in June, August, September and October. "August and October were record-breaking months," said Environment Canada spokesperson Simon Legault.

Keep Reading Show less