Montreal has a reputation for being a little more laid back than the rest of Canada. The drinking age is lower, the smoking laws took much longer to get here, and smoking weed in public is borderline acceptable.
Plus we're Canadian so we're super polite about everything.
But there are some things that will set off a Montrealer like nothing else. These are the annoying things we encounter on a day-to-day basis.
Here are 25 things that will 514% piss off a Montrealer.
When There Isn't Enough Cheese On Your Poutine
This is infuriating, especially because your poutine looked like it was covered in cheese. Only once you started eating you realized all the cheese was on top. Now all you're left with is a big bowl of gravy fries. Actually, now that I think about it, this should be part of the 10 Commandments of poutine.
When The Metro Shuts Down
This is annoying when it happens at the end of the day, but when it happens in the morning on your way to work it can be maddening! And it's not like this only happens once in awhile either. Last year it happened 956 times!
When People Complain About The Shitty Weather
In this city we absolutely love complaining about the shitty weather. Or maybe it just seems that way because the weather is always shitty. It happens so often that we eventually start to complain about people who complain about the weather.
When People Complain About The Nice Weather
Like I said, we love complaining. So even when it's hot out, suddenly it's TOO hot or TOO humid. Then winter comes back and we complain the summer was too short. We really need to make up our minds once and for all.
When The Bus Is 45 Minutes Late
You were at the stop at least 15 minutes in advance. There's no way you missed the bus, it must just be late. Then it casually pulls around the corner 45 minutes later. I guess the bus schedule is just a guideline. No surprise since there aren't enough buses on the roads.
When The Bus Doesn't Bother Showing Up At All
If you thought 45 minutes was bad, be thankful the bus showed up at all. Sometimes buses just magically disappear in this city. Maybe they were swallowed up by a giant pothole. We'll never know.
When It's Still Cold In April
Why do I still have my winter coat on? Why am I considering putting on long johns? And why am I craving hot chocolate? It's April goddammit!
They're dangerous, they're ugly and they can get really expensive if you happen to hit one with your car. At least you can attempt to avoid them, just check the list of the worst roads in Quebec and Montreal.
When Someone Says Toronto Is Better
It doesn't matter what aspect of the city they're talking about. And it especially doesn't matter if they're right (actually it's worse). They could say Toronto is better at being Toronto than Montreal and we'd be like: "Fuck that, Montreal is much better at being Toronto".
When The Habs Suck
These days it seems like it's all the time. When we don't make the playoffs it really feels like something is missing in Montreal.
When You Live Next To An SAQ That Closes Early
Sometime you just really need a drink. And in Montreal we have a lot of different SAQs. If you're lucky you live next to an SAQ Express rather than SAQ Selection, Classique, Signature or Depot. The Express are the only ones who close at 10:00 pm. The rest close at either 6:00 pm or 9:00 pm. At least now you can also shop at the SAQ directly from the metro.
Neverending Debates About Language Laws
Regardless of where you stand on the language laws, you have to admit that the endless debate is frustrating. So instead, why not have a little fun thinking up ridiculous translations for French business names. Check them all out right here.
When People Take Up Two Seats On The Metro
Why should your backpack get a better seat than me? A lot of people are inconsiderate in the Metro. That's why we had to come up with the 10 commandments of the STM. Click here to make sure you're not committing any sins.
When People Don't Pick Up After Their Dogs
If you don't pick up your dog's shit, no one else will. People just stop caring in the winter, because they figure the snow will cover it up. Only the snow melts and the poop is magically still there drying lazily in the sun. Now that I think about it, there are a lot of other nasty things you find in Montreal when the snow melts.
Cyclists Who Ride On The Sidewalk
They own the roads, they own the bike paths, but that's simply not enough. Some bikers think they also own the sidewalks. Sometimes I really just want to politely ask the cyclists: Please don't make me kill you.
Construction Projects That Go On Forever
Off the top of my head, I'm thinking of the Dorval Circle. In case you aren't familiar, let me put it into context. When I started university the work had already begun. I had time to graduate, get a job, get sick of that job, get a new job and yesterday I found out the project would only be complete in 3 years.
When They Fix A Street And Then Tear It Up Again Two Weeks Later
This has happened many times in Montreal. It happened to me a few years ago when I lived on Durocher in the McGill ghetto. City workers ripped up the street to fix some electric lines. The work took 3 months, then when they finally repaved the street, they realized they also had to do some underground pipe work, so they tore it right back up a few weeks later.
Not only is it impossible to find parking downtown, but if you do manage to find a spot you'll be paying a small fortunes. If you're cool with all that, the only thing you have left to worry about is people ruining your bumper because they can't parallel park without hitting your car.
Traffic is so bad in Montreal that I would actually prefer driving an extra 15 minutes if it meant I didn't have to sit still in traffic. Tell me something, how is there traffic on Decarie at 11:30 pm on a weekday? It makes no sense!
Taking A Taxi
Waiting For Hours At The Hospital
In case you read that wrong. No, it's not "four" hours. We wish we only had to wait 4 hours, but the average wait time in Montreal is actually closer to 17 hours. It's okay though, my bone will probably heal just fine by itself.
The Police And Their Stupid Army Pants
Holy shit, this protest is still happening? All those "Libre Nego" stickers they put everywhere are so old that the ink is running. And since no one in the media have even mentioned this protest in months, it really makes you wonder if those ugly army pants are here to stay for good.
When Someone Vandalizes A Mural
There are more than enough blank walls to deface in Montreal, so it's really heartbreaking when someone paints their ugly tag on top of a beautiful Montreal mural. If the point was to get everyone to hate you, good job. If you really can't hep yourself, at least use this legal graffiti wall.
It seems like everyone hates caleches in Montreal. Expect for certain tourists and the caleche owners themselves. They are regularly mistreated, forced to work in the hot sun and they can also be very dangerous, especially when one of them runs away with no driver. Isn't it about time we got rid of antiquated practice in Montreal?
Parking Signs That Are Impossible To Understand
Sometimes when you look at a parking sign in Montreal they almost look fake. Like someone went out of their way to make a sign no one could possibly understand. Have you seen some of these? They are ridiculous.