Photo cred - Jackie Rueda
Navigating the everyday complexities of human interaction can be tough. Doing the right thing is important, but saying the right thing, even if it's not entirely true, is pretty fundamental in making sure that social order as we know it is not disturbed. Yes, a little lie here and there allows the proverbial wheel to keep on turning and, let's face it, gets us out of little hot water when we need it. Now we're not condoning blatant deceitful behaviour or anything, we're just saying that there exists a moral grey zone where a minor harmless fib is just the polite thing to do and downright necessary is some instances.
White lies have been helping us along for ages, and while the circumstances surrounding them have evolved over time, the usefulness of a white lie has never been more important. Now we Montrealers (like everything else we do natch), are pretty awesome at uttering these untruths on the daily, but we say them with the best of intentions...Usually. Here are some common ones you'll hear.
1. "Winter's not so bad"
Maybe if summer never existed could this statement be remotely true. Apart from having a white Xmas and in the mountains for skiing/boarding, winter in the city is the pits and you know it.
2. "I wasn't checking my phone"
Ya right. That might've held up like 5 years ago, but there's just no chance you haven't checked your phone every 7.5 minutes like the rest of us.
3. "I'm 5 minutes away"
By 5, I mean 10 minutes away. And by 10, I mean I haven't left yet.
4. "I'm not drinking this weekend"
I got pretty plastered last weekend and I'm too broke anyway is what you tell yourself, and then it's Friday and you're magically drunk before it's even dark outside.
Photo cred - Winners
5. "It's designer"
Well it looks designer. Winners for.the.win.
6. "The Habs are winning the cup this year"
Just like every year right? But this year they actually will.
7. "I'll just stay for one drink"
Ya, because you a have a will of steel when meeting friends at the bar for happy hour.
8. "The metro is great"
If you're honest, you know being trapped in a sardine can a mile underground with stanky stale air and, even worse, no WiFi signal kinda sucks. But it does beat traffic and parking tickets. Maybe.
9. "Cool story bro"
Saying cool story actually means the opposite. True story.
Photo cred - Lily, a Broad
10. "Sorry I'm late, the traffic on Decarie was horrible"
By traffic I mean I stopped to buy a bagel.
11. "I don't have any change"
Maybe I really don't have any spare change because all of my disposable income goes to paying for my own bills and addictions. But maybe I do.
12. "I'll come back after"
"Your birthday party is totally rad and stuff, but my friend is at the bar next door so just going to have a quick drink and I will come back after..." Or not.
13. "I'm not eating out today"
But the burrito platter with extra pico is so tasty.
14. "Let's get together soon"
Did I say soon? I meant in the very distant future. Or never, whichever comes first.
Photo cred - Nadia Not Included
15. "Oh I didn't see you there"
I know we made eye contact at least 7 times. I just thought you were someone else.
16. "We're just friends"
If you have to make this clarification it's cause you are definitely more than "just friends".
17. "It's not that far"
Who wants to spend money on a cab - we'll just walk from Concordia to St-Denis they said. It's not that far they said.
18. "Just kidding"
Your baby really is ugly doe.
19. "I'm busy that night"
Busy staying home and playing COD with a side of za and some ganj.
Photo cred - toodlepip
20. "I love it"
That band, that gift, that dress, that whatever - it's actually the worst but you have feelings and I'm not in the business of destroying them.
21. "So nice to see you"
It's so the opposite. It's called being polite.
22. "You look fine"
The truth is, you look like a booger waffle.
23. "Of course I'm listening"
I just didn't hear what you just said. And before that. And before that.
24. "It wasn't me"
The rule is "He who smelt it, dealt it" but "He who denied it, supplied it". Fact.
Photo cred - caribb
25. "I know where that is"
I know Montreal like the back of my hand. I just need to check my phone for a completely unrelated reason for a second...