Photo cred - Desolate Angel
The Montreal Metro is a wondrous place full of interesting people and colourful characters. So let's play a game. How many can you spot on a single day? My record is 17 =)
1. The Co-Worker/Class Mate You'd Rather not engage
It’s Monday morning, it’s chilly outside, and it is just too damn early to make chit-chat with someone you barely even speak to when you see them in the office/class.
Stop: Pretty much any stop on the Green line
2. The B.O. Guy
Yes, humans smell, but most of us make at least some kind of effort to mask it, if only out of common courtesy. Then there’s the guy whose foul body odour has pretty much ruined your day.
Stop: Unfortunately everywhere
3. The American Tourist In Town For A Major Sporting Event
Americans love Montreal, and who can blame them, except when they arrive in hoards for F1 decked out with as much Ferrari merchandise they could get their hands on, and laughing about how badly they pronounce Longueuil.
4. The Primary School Kid
Little kids, barely old enough to write their own names riding along, unattended like it’s no big deal. Guess it’s a good sign that our metro system is so safe?
5. The Cyclist With A Bicycle
Who needs to walk when you have a bicycle. Better yet, who needs to cycle when you can just take it on the metro and make the already cramped commute that much cozier.
Stop: Wherever they were too lazy to bike to
6. The Food Eater
You already have plenty of questionable smells filling up your nostrils when riding around a tin can 50 feet underground, but the smell of that Happy Meal is either making you really hungry or turning your stomach.
Stop: Verdun/Vendome/Pie IX
7. The Reader Of Advanced Math/Science Papers
While you’re busy trying to hit level 282 on Candy Crush, sat next to you is an engineer/scientist/human cyborg sent back from the future, casually reading advanced technical specs or alien-looking equations as they prepare to take over the galaxy.
8. The Hab Fan
You always know when the habs are in town because the metro will be overrun with Habs jerseys and eager fans, ready to riot if the mood is right.
Stop: Lucien L’Allier/Peel/Bonaventure
9. The Dude Rocking Out
While you’re paging through the Journal Metro, pretending to read articles but really just looking for the horoscopes (as one does), the metal-head in front of you is air drumming his greatest hits on his lap with zero fucks given.
10. The Lord’s Worker
Hey, someone’s gotta do it. What do you mean you don’t have a moment to talk about our lord and savior? What else are you really doing?
Stop: De l’Eglise (Get it?)
11. The Off-Islander In Town For A Concert
Expect to see plenty of Lavalians (?) and Brossardians riding the metro when any major act is playing the Bell Centre. They are not really fans of Montreal but can't wait until the metro system is finally extended to include them.
12. The Underdressed
There is no dress code on the metro, though maybe sometimes there really should be. That whale-tail you showing is really not something I need to see right now.
13. The Overdressed
Montreal’s climate is a cruel mistress and loves messing with us, making you realize that all those layers you put on to beat the cold are now pretty much the bane of your existence.
Stop: All of them
14. The Unsure Of Where They're Going
Sure, it can be intimidating using the subway system but navigating our basic network of primary colours that is our metro map really shouldn't be that difficult.
Stop: The wrong one
15. The High One
Between that awesome sesh you just had at the Tams and your super comfy couch waiting for you at home, there is a long-ass metro ride, filled with paranoia and monotonous staring at nothing.
16. The Party People
Travel time doesn't mean the party has to stop. If you don’t like all the drunken yelling and shitty karaoke singing, maybe you shouldn’t have gotten on the party car.
17. The Bench Bum
Feel like sitting down while you wait for the metro? Think again cause a cigarette-bumming hobo has already marked his territory and made this bench his personal lounge.
Stop: Depends on the day
18. The PDA Couple
Because there is no sexier place to show just how much you like sucking face than a crowded, stanky-ass metro car.
Stop: Anywhere there's an audience
19. The Modern Family
With the high cost of gas, not to mention all the pollution, mini-vans are so overrated. So strap up the kiddies and help spread all that snot and germs we all dread. Baby-strollers are the perfect metro accessory.
Stop: Line extremities
20. The Travelling Foreigners
Sitting between the back and forth of international travelers is kind of like a cultural experience, but don’t they realize that English in this city is already considered foreign enough?
Stop: Any terminus
21. The Person Moving Furniture
Not all of us have the luxury to hire movers to move our shit across town, so schlepping your futon mattress and frame on the orange line is clearly the next best thing.
Stop: Place Saint-Henri
22. The Person Who Pushes On Before Anyone Can Get Off
It's a standard process that’s repeated about a few hundred times a day: Metro arrives, doors open, people get off, and then people get on. Nope, you can miss your stop for all I care cause I'm getting that window seat.
Stop: The one you’re getting off at
23. The Sardine Packer
So what if you get a little claustrophobic and don’t enjoy sweaty strangers pressed up against your crotch, there is always room for one more. Besides it’s safer this way, you don’t have to worry about jerking forward when the metro jerks.
Stop: The one you just got on
24. The GangStar
Nothing says ganster like wearing shades inside and blasting some straight east-coast from your HTC One with your homies in the last car.
25. The Door-Opener
Want to impress the other passengers? Why not get told off by the conductor over the loud-speaker for sliding open the metro doors with your super-human strength!
Stop: The Blue line
26. The Person Who Thinks They’re The Only Ones Getting Off At A Major Stop
Oh, so the fact that we’re coming up to a major stop and I’m pressed up against the door in anticipation isn't any indication that I’m getting off here as well? Okay, well just make sure you tell me twenty times and elbow me in the ribs before the doors even open.
Stop: Any major stop
27. The High-Powered Exec.
Gotta love the company man deciding to slum it for the day, riding the metro with the rest of us common folk cause his Porsche is in the shop, and his wife needed the Benz.
Stop: Place d’Armes
28. The Cover Model
Every once in a while you spot someone who looks good. Like damn good. Like they just stepped off a magazine cover or something. By the way, if you don’t like making eye sex with me, maybe you should take a cab next time.
Stop: Generally the downtown core, but can be anywhere (if you’re lucky)
29. The Really Old People
They can barely walk, but somehow manage all the stairs and the pushy crowds. Quite admirable really.
Stop: Cote Vertu
30. The High-School Kids
No one likes teenagers. Teenagers don’t like teenagers. Their pack mentalities and abhorrent loudness will do a pretty good job of making your ride particularly annoying and unpleasant.
31. The College/Uni Students
With six universities and twelve junior colleges, the metro is obviously overrun with post-secondary students, with venti Pumpkin-Spiced Lattes in hand and that ironic non-chalante stress written all over their face.
Stop: Atwater/Guy-Concordia/McGill/Universite de Montreal/Berri-Uqam
32. The Musician With Instrument
It’s great that you play an instrument and all, but your over-sized double bass is kinda squishing me into B.O. Guy and I’m about ready to puke.
Stop: Place des Arts
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Photo cred - Fred_514