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40 Things That Will Definitely Happen To You When Moving To Montreal

Photo cred - Matthias Berthet

When living in a new city, you can't help but be subsumed by the metropolis's culture, and that is just too true about Montreal. Full of zany folk and cit-specific things, Montreal will introduce you to a wealth of new experiences. Certain things will only happen when you live here, ranging from awesome to just plain strange.

To prepare yourself if you're Montreal-bound, here are 40 things that will for-sure happen to you when moving to/living in Montreal.

1. You will almost fall down an outdoor staircase

  • Especially in winter. Hold 'dem handrails people.

2. You will walk more

  • Montreal is just the right amount of small, where you can cover tons of ground in an hour on foot.

3. You will never be able to tell if a dude is gay or just French like that

  • Spoken from personal experience. Ladies know what I'm talking about.

4. You will drink stronger beer

  • 'Cuz in Quebec, +6% is a regular thing.

5. You will eat more poutine

  • No one can escape the 3am poutine.

6. You will get caught up in a random protest

  • Again, sometimes they just come outta nowhere.

7. You will see more students

  • 4 universities will do that.

8. You will not leave your house during the month of February

  • Not even for Valentine's Day, it gets that cold.

9. You will acquire Seasonal Affective Disorder

  • Summer = happy, winter = bad times, spring/fall = meh

10. You will smoke (or at least smell) a lot more weed

  • Drive-by joints just happen

11. You will become a hockey fan

  • Or more specifically, a Habs fan.

12. You will read MTL Blog :)

  • Hey, look, this one's happening right meow!

13. You will drink in the park

  • When you can and there's no fear of getting a ticket, you will.

14. You will learn French curse words

  • Tabernacles take on a whole new level of meaning.

15. You will become more hipster

  • At least that's what all your old friends will say.

16. You will get over smoked meat

  • After having contstant access, the deli meat loses its tourist-y appeal.

17. You will only eat sesame or poppy seed bagels

  • Maybe an everything here and there, but cinnamon-raisin is just blasphemy.

18. You will randomly walk into a festival

  • Sometimes they just come outta nowhere.

19. You will pay cheaper rent

  • Low cost of living is a beautiful thing.

20. You will climb up a mountain

  • By which we mean Mount Royal...and if anyone dares say it isn't a mountain then you will be silenced.

21. You will start calling Happy Hour 5 à 7

  • That way Francophones will understand when you want to get post-work drinks.

22. You will smell more horse poo

  • It's a sad reality of walking around Old Montreal with all those damned horse-drawn carriages.

23. You will drink a 40 in an alley

  • A Montreal right of passage

24. You will eat shittier pizza

  • Unless you're going to a fancy resto, the corner pizza place will probably be sub-par of your previous standards.

25. You will nearly get hit by a cyclist

  • Every single day of summer.

26. You will get lost in the "underground city"

  • Only 2% of the population knows how to get around down there, so don't feel bad.

27. You will learn to hate Frosh

  • Or love it, either way you'll have some strong emotions for the late-summer student shwaste-fest.

28. You will be accustomed to a new level of "cold"

  • Negative 5 will become light jacket weather after you feel the struggle that is 40 below.

29. You will not understand a word that is said over the PA system in the metro

  • Don't worry, even Francophones don't know what the hell that lady is saying sometimes.

30. You will see more street art and murals than ever before

  • Unless you got horse blinders on, you'll see some graffiti at every street corner.

31. You will only go to Old Montreal when your parents visit

  • I mean, why else would you go unless someone else was paying?

31. You will slowly learn to disregard traffic lights

  • Jaywalking is a Montreal way of life, as is dangerous driving.

32. You will gain a deathly allergy to most things on Crescent street

  • Anywhere else is better to go out. Now if you're getting Boustan, that's a different story.

33. You will be underground a lot

  • Whether for the metro, shopping, or just to escape the harsh winds of winter.

34. You will never be able to tell if a girl is gay or just wears a hat like that

  • A girl with a fitted cap is forever a mystery.

35. You will start exclusively referring to convenience stores as "deps"

  • Probably the first linguistic-switch you'll experience.

36. You will gain an admiration for women who wear tights in the dead of winter

  • #commitment.

37. You will have one meal on the weekends: Brunch!

  • Any other meal will be alcohol-based.

38. You will dread walking up some Montreal street hills

  • Sometimes your calves just can't handle it.

39. You will appreciate Summer like it is a succulent steak

  • Savour it while it lasts.

40. You will become a coffee Nazi

  • Once you go espresso, you don't go back, especially if it's that third-wave style stuff.

For more on all things Montreal, follow Michael on Twitter @MDAlimonte

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