It's that magical time of the year again. The time when the snow starts melting only to reveal the treasures that have been kept in an ice prison for the last 6 months. You never know what you'll come across although we're pretty sure most of them will be disgusting. And even if you find something good, for the love of god don't touch it.
We encourage you to tell us what precious objects you discover this year, I for one was not so lucky and to prove it, here's a list of shit I came across on the street on my way to work today.
Seriously these things are everywhere, it makes you wonder when Montreal will get off its ass and start installing more ashtrays around the city. Every garbage can should have an ashtray next to it. You're obviously not gonna get everyone to stop smoking, so you might as well encourage smokers to dispose of their butts responsibly.
2. Dog Shit, a lot of dog shit.
That smell, oh that smell. That's the smell of a million dog turds slowly thawing on the grass and sidewalks. Why do people stop giving a shit (ha) as soon as the snow starts falling? Picking up shit is just as annoying in the summer so you might as well make it year round habit.
It's not that disturbing to think that people are having sex outside, but who the hell is having sex in the middle of street in -30ºC weather. Homeless people that's who. So not only are these dirty discarded condoms, but they're dirty homeless discarded condoms. Think of the children, won't someone please think of the children!
4. La Belle Province Poutines (mostly on Saint-Laurent)
I know they're Belle Pro's because I was standing in front of Belle Pro's when I took this picture, however I can't explain the mysterious fried noodles since I was nowhere near a Chinese food restaurant.
5. Unpaid Parking Tickets
If you have a car, chances are you've gotten a letter in the mail at least once telling you you have an unpaid ticket. And you would have paid it too, except the psycho weather blew it off your windshield so you never saw it. Well this is where that ticket ended up, frozen under a bench somewhere.
6. Moldy Puke
I was so busy avoiding the dog turds I nearly tripped over this magnificent pile of petrified moldy puke. It was just there casually chilling outside a nightclub exit. From the look of it, it's been here for at least 4 months.
7. Mysterious brown patches
These stick around until you're trying to find a spot at Tam-Tams to put your blanket. But wait, what's that mystery pile over there? Is it mud or poop? A pile that big can't possibly be poop. *sniff* *sniff* Fuck, I think it's poop.
8. Tim Horton's Cups
You know these have been here for a long time since those are the cups that come before Roll Up The Rim. I counted 17 during the 2 block walk from my car to the office.
Oh the glorious pot holes, how we love them so. But since they're far too big to be considered a hole, we shall now be taking nominations for a new name for these car wrecking nuisances. The finalists are: pot caves, pot chasms, pot valleys, pot lakes and pot really really really big fucking holes.