Jay-Z was on to something when he coined the now-iconic hook of the classic "99 Problems." Mr. Zed may have thought his catchy phrase would stay in the realm of hip-hop, but as all Montrealers know, we got our own list of issues, and a bitch (male and female) definitely is one, or maybe two. Okay, like four.

We love Montreal more than anyone, but sometimes you just gotta vent and call out the shit that riles up some anger, so to better appreciate the awesome aspects of the city. All that pent up frustration is coming out, one at a time 'til we hit 99.

Here are the 99 problems of Montreal. Hit me.

1. Lack of 24/hr public transportation, because c'mon son
2. Pot holes: fix em, or city start doling out free wheel realignments.
3. Parking signs requiring a decoder ring
4. Waiting for a bus in winter that never shows up, ever
5. Best hockey team that never wins
6. Vitamin D deficiency
7. Asshole English people – You know who you are
8. Asshole French people – Vous savez qui vous êtes
9. OQLF
10. Downtown during frosh
11. No rights on red lights
12. Summer too short
13. Feeling uncool and unbearded at indie coffee shops
14. Too many festivals too little money
15. The question: hipster or homeless?
16. MTL Blog: spelling mistakes, sexism, and misinformation
17. No tipping=criminal, sometimes capital, offense
18. Ever present danger of street/bridge collapse
19. 15% sales tax
20. People who complain about weather
21. People who complain about people who complain about weather
22. 3rd World  Broadband 
23. Awful automobile manners! – No waive, never signal. :(
24. Bike lanes, expand/improve 'em or nix 'em!
25. Frozen beard hair
26. Teeth – where’s the delicious mind controlling fluoride?
27. Eating vegetables
28. New Champlain Bridge: Coming 2055
29. YUL Airport: The Most Expensive Major Destination in North America
30. Bars not open till 6AM
31. International copyright laws
32. Crazy cylists
33. Frozen dog poop
34. Two seasons: winter, construction
35. Quebec driving exam
36. Taxis
37. Carb-loading bagels at 4AM
38. Food deserts
39. Guy-Concordia always too hot, always
40. Shady unions
41. Outdoor staircases in winter, in summer they perdy.
42. Too many streets closed down for filming! But celeb spotting a bonus.
43. Mexican food, there is none
44. Bring back the Better Business Bureau
45. Seasonal firebombs
46. That one day in March that fools you summer is near
47. Orange cones
48. Boil water advisories, annoying. Trihalomethanes in the water? *poops pants*.
49. Illegal Debit card fees
50. Not enough English media
51. Winter too long
52. No Whole Foods :(, no Trader Joes.
53. The Olympic Stadium
54. Manila envelopes stuffed with cash (read: political corruption.)
55. ‘Goodwill Hunting’ type ponytail "Gordon Wood" reciters at bars.
56. Riot cops
57. No Expos
58. No "real" street food
59. You can be snowboarding in 45 minutes... this can be dangerous in the winter
60. Drunk Americans
61. Food trucks cost too damn much
62. Grand Prix
63. Montreal Women… just kidding they are perfect ;)
64. Not enough city funding for visual art
65. Too many restaurants, not enough time.
66. No public metro to the West Island
67. No public metro to the East… oh wait Blue line is being extended, west islanders riot
68. Too much stuff to do in the city, good problem to have
69. Trying to get breakfast/brunch downtown on a Sunday
70. Dooring
71. SPVM
72. Parking tickets
73. Charbonneau Commission: will we have any elected officials left?
74. Puke on streets
75. Frozen puke on streets
76. Condos
77. High Five’n Bros in McGill Ghetto
78. Black ice
79. Crescent St.
80. The Habs don’t play again ‘till October
81. February
82. Not enough PK Subban commercials
83. Bed bugs
84. Bieber’s Buonanotte visits
85. Not enough 24/hour breakfast
86. Passive-aggression
87. Aggressive aggression
88. Artisinal everything
89. Your friend’s band
90. Mold…
91. No dogs in bars, restaurants
92. Vagrant population
93. Parking downtown
94. Construction “industry”
95. Marijuana is still illegal (technically)
96. Homogeneity
97. Your coffee order is being judged
98. Your beer order is being judged
99. Taxes

…But poutine ain’t one.

For more on all things, follow me on my spanking new Twitter account @MaxWood33