A List Of What Canadians Would Do If They Woke Up As Justin Trudeau
What would be the first thing you do if you woke up as Justin Trudeau? That's a question we posed to Montrealers and Canadians alike on Facebook about 5 days ago, and the response was immense, to say the least.
Over 450 individuals commented on the original Facebook post, each one offering their unique opinion on what they would do should they suddenly arise as the much-adored Prime Minister of Canada.
And who wouldn't want to wake up one of the world's most influential and stylish people? No one, that's who.
Aside from the (surprisingly) large number of responses that are variations of "bang my wife," "smoke weed," "take a selfie," or "brush my teeth" (does Trudeau have bad teeth? Is that a thing or is everyone just obsessed with good oral hygiene?) some commenters had some truly solid suggestions.
Others, not so much, and just wrote down some hilarious ideas. Then there were the caste of Trudeau haters, the strange lot of Canadians who actually loved Stephen Harper and view Justin as the antichrist, who mainly just wanted to start a flame war.
But because some of the funny or relevant comments were simply too good not to share, we've compiled some of the best in the list below. Most responses are paraphrased and edited, mind you, because grammar on the internet is not really a thing. We would know.
See what Canadians would do if they woke up as Justin Trudeau below.
"Abolish Bill 101, make Quebec sign the constitution, and right the world of that horrid OQLF"
While some of you definitely hate this suggestion, it did get 206 likes...and 96 impassioned replies. Please, just don't shoot the messenger
Go back to sleep and hope I wake up as Batman
Followed up by "a visit to my friendly neighborhood Spiderman." Otherwise known as every single time I have woken up since I was four years old.
"Reinstate the Bank of Canada so that Canadians can stop paying billions a year in interest payments alone to private banks"
Pay less, save more? We're not quite sure about the feasibility but we're in!
"Accept medical diplomas from foreigners so that they can practice in our country and aid our current health care system"
The commenter then notes how "lot of them were doctors and are not taxi drivers." Maybe a new kind of "doctor test" could work, because there are reasons medical degrees don't carry over between countries.
"Remove the 'temporary' tax imposed on Quรฉbec that was meant to pay for the expo!"
Didn't even know this was a thing, so please, lets have this one happen real soon, because 60ish years is far from "temporary".
"Force all provinces to be transparent to help curb corruption"
What, you got something to hide Nova Scotia? Yeah, thought so.
"Create a new law in which all homes must be equipped with solar panels"
"Then invest in a large solar panel facilities in western-central and eastern Canada."
"Look at my d and go back to sleep
Sometimes you just need to make sure all the goods are still in place.
"Start preaching opinions I support and say: 'that's tru-though!'"
Personally, I think "that's true-deau though" is a bit better, but I applaud the effort.
Institute the requirement of a two-year mandatory military service in return for the opportunity of free college and university education
At first I was like "whaaaaaa?" but then I was all "not bad, not bad." Military training for free school isn't an awful toss up.
"Reduce the wage of politicians to just one dollar more than minimum wage so they see why people are angry about it"
But first this commenter would "pee standing up" and then "read all the hidden documents and scan them to news reporters." Sounds like a pretty solid to-do list.
"Remove all city-wide pit bull bans and replace them with mandatory training classes"
Not only would this ensure responsible pet owners aren't penalized, but it's also "great for the dawgiesssss," as this commenter so eloquently pointed out.
"Remove credit card and student loan debts for every adult who's had them for a minimum of 3 years"
Can we do this one right now, please? They're gonna take my knees!
Open up more hospital beds and make the budget include more health care workers
Those medical care waiting times need to be reduced ASAP.
"Call my boy b-rock (Barrack Obama) and see if he's down to day-drink, then piss of Vladimir by trying to order 'poutines' drunk"
If only heads of state were frat bros, if only.
"Pass a law to force MTLBlog to talk only about Montreal issues"
We can all dream, can't we?
"Make out with myself"
Creepy and to the point.
"Have horse carriages banned across Canada!"
Probably won't happen in Montreal, though.
"Build a wall to block the states..."
Because it's only a matter of time before the Trump-induced exodus from America begins.
"Call my overlords in space to know what my next task is as Prime minister"
Knew it, Trudeau is too pretty for a politician that isn't an alien.
"Eat a LARGE bowl of Frosted Flakes, because I love Frosted Flakes"
Same dude, same.
"Ban all gas and diesel vehicles by 2025. Why? Because its 2016"
If Amsterdam is doing it, why not us?
Open a Chipotle and Popeyes Restaurant, then a lots of halal hot dog stands, then chill with Drake"
Seriously, this dude has their priorities straight. We need more Chipotles everywhere.
"Turn over the entire government to the First Nations"
Drastic, but maybe this would make up for the centuries of persecution.
"Call the Queen to break up"
Because Barrack won't share his man.
"Start a real life game of Risk"
Trudeau plays for keeps
"Abolish sleeves"
No clue what this person has against sleeves, but a movement to showcase more arm-game on hot men is fine by me.
"Do whatever would be right for everyone by reading these suggestions and bringing them up in meetings."
The people have spoken. Your move, Trudeau.