10 Kinds Of Assholes You Always See On The Montreal Metro
You know them very well.
Photo cred – Andre Vandal
It ain’t easy moving a city of a million, and if the STM at times can barely even, here are ten kinds of people you'll see on the bus or subway with whom we definitely can't.
We're not going mince words here. We're going to go ahead and call out these behaviours for what they are: asshole-ry. These are things that mostly assholes do. Still, if you find that some of these items strike a little close to home, don't take it (too) personally.
2015 is just around the corner — and with that, as good a time as any to work on the new YOU!
Source – Andre Vandal
Dudes who spread their legs a liiittle too far
An Open Letter To Montreal Transit Users Who Like To Spread Out:
We understand that your boys sometime need some space down there, but seeing an outline of your penis pressed against your blue jeans is on no one's bucket list. (And, trust us, we know a thing or two about bucket lists.) That shit can't be unseen!
Source – abdallahh
People who block the doors
I can't believe we still need to address this in 2014, but here goes. You see, the STM barely works as it is, and if you stand by the doors when people are trying to get off, you risk breaking public transit for good.
This is even more relevant on the bus, where during rush hour, we're often packed in like sardines. One treacherous door blocker can hold up the entire route. Plan ahead! And if your stop isn't coming up, like, next — step the hell aside!
Photo cred – Vitor Schietti
Rush hour riders with too much baggage
See those two above? They’re carrying the right amount of stuff. All too often during Montreal rush hours, packrats are trying to board buses and subways with waaay too many things. You should not be carrying more than a bag and a backpack with your if you're travelling during these times. You really shouldn't need a blog to tell you that rush hour is not be the best time to lug around a hockey locker’s worth of stuff.
And please, please, for the love of Dog dear students, once you do board a bus or subway, take those damn bulky things off.
Source – CMR OO 77
Here's a quick etiquette guide for Montreal STM readers wondering whether to approach a stranger who has caught their eye while using public transit (read: men). We can't believe we have to write this down, but here goes.
Should you try to initiate a conversation if your object of desire has earbuds in? NOPE. What about if they are reading a book? NOPE. Should you continue attempts at conversation if your initial efforts have been spurned? NOPE NOPE NOPE.
Source - Alex T
STM workers who are never there
What strange force of nature is it, that causes STM workers to dissolve into thin air the moment you need to buy a ticket, or to ask for directions? We should give some of our brightest scientists the task of unravelling this mystery.
They might be able to suss out the answer to one of Montreal's most burning questions: what actual hours do these workers keep?
Source – Alex T
Ticket buyers who just can’t handle it
Few things on the STM irk us as much as watching full-grown humans step up to the plate at an OPUS machine and utterly falling apart. Hey, I realize the STM’s ticket buying machine thingy isn’t the most user-friendly contraption, but it’s not like buttons and screens were invented yesterday. Get tapping already — our Tim Hortons coffee is getting cold!
Okay, so now they're almost finished and it's time to pay. But WHAT? Now you can't find your wallet? Just what were you doing during the ten-minute like-up it took to get to the machine!?
Source – Alex T
People who aren't tourists who can't figure out where to stick their card
We hate to admit it, but the STM really does have this one figured out. Still, it seems that every day you need to stop yourself from stepping on someone's heel as they come to a sudden halt at the turnstile in befuddlement and then repeatedly try to force their OPUS card into the wrong slot.
This isn't rocket science, Einstein! Use the visual cues. GAHHH!
Source – Nadia Seccareccia
Parents who let their kids roam wild
Congratulations, your children are beautiful and you should tell me all about them! But, please please do keep an eye on your ankle-biters and try to stop them from running amok.
Source – Andre Vandal
People who spread across multiple seats
You can tell people like him played too many empire-building video games as a kid. Now, every foray out into the daylight is an opportunity to build a mini-empire of their very own. And thatz not okay!
Source – Steve Brandon
Bus drivers who, umm... throw you under the bus
Sometimes, as with life, it's the main-man in charge that's the problem. Whether it's gleefully taking off just as you've sprinted almost to the bus stop, or driving too close to the edge of the road and spraying pedestrians with salty slush, or dispensing service-with-a-scowl to brighten up your morning, all too often STM bus drivers just aren't helping.
Photo cred – Annex Photography