Photo cred - maoby
They say you can't chose your family, but you do get to pick your friends. Thankfully, humans come in many different shapes and sizes. With such a wide range of unique qualities and characteristics offered, numerous psychologists have classified certain standard archetypes in an attempt to better understand and predict the way we behave.
Now we've done our own research, and based on our findings, there exists exactly (not exactly) 13 types of friends in Montreal. Chances are you've surrounded yourself with one or more of them without even realizing it. Look closely at your circle of friends and you just might find they each fit nicely into one of the following categories.
The Sedentary Stoner
Totally content with just chilling out (like pretty much all the time) with splifta in hand, the Sedentary Stoner definitely enjoys their down-time more than most. Usually accompanied by a thick cloud of smoke, Pigpen styles, they're the epitome of laid-back.
Why you love ‘em: They're unpretentious, extremely docile, and smoke you when you’re down, reminding you not to take life so seriously all the time, man.
The Playful Partier
Parties are a great way to unwind and celebrate the good times in life. For the Playful Partier, every day is a good time, and they always come ready to play. They’re the ones getting rowdy at the bar on a Tuesday night, crushing shots and taking names, while you're at home getting ready for your bedtime.
Why you love’ em: They know how to party, always bring the hype, and their playful disposition is contagious.
The Welcoming West-Islander
Suburbia definitely has its benefits, like backyard swimming pools, an abundance of grassy parks, and a general lack of grimy garbage everywhere, to mention a few. No one knows this better than the Welcoming West-Islander who is constantly inviting you to hang out in the west, as they insist it’s a nice change of pace from partying downtown.
Why you love ‘em: Their down-to-earth nature, outstanding hospitality, and willingness to try new things.
The Geeky Gamer
Nowadays, everyone with a smartphone enjoys their multimedia entertainment, but the Geeky Gamer was there since before it was cool. The ultimate early adopter, they've owned every console out there, played every game ever made, and just may be the one who took that bite out of Apple. Not to mention their extensive knowledge of various sub-cultures, they can usually even write some pretty decent code.
Why you love ‘em: They know about cool stuff you've never even heard of and don't (usually) charge to fix your tech.
The Fitness Freak
Staying healthy is one thing, but the Fitness Freak is all fitness, all the time. They run marathons for fun, count ever single calorie, and they stick to a strict lifestyle routine. This sometimes leads to a slight lack in spontaneity but you find their discipline highly admirable.
Why you love ‘em: They're your personal fitness guru and motivate you to make healthier choices.
The Abiding Academic
Montreal is student-central, especially during Frosh, and while most generally do their time and move on, the Abiding Academic has been in school for what seems like forever. They just can't get enough. They willingly spend their time researching in the library, writing in-depth dissertations as practice, and engage in philosophical/political/scientific conversation with anyone who will listen.
Why you love em’: They’re highly educated, up-to-date on important issues, and will teach you something whether you like it or not.
The Humble Hipster
It’s sometimes hard to escape all the norms society imposes on us, but the Humble Hipster has made it their personal quest to go against the grain and denounce the perceived status quo at every turn. They shop at vintage boutiques, their hair-styles think outside the box, and they are not shy to tell you about the free-trade café / underground gallery / organic farmer's market they discovered while riding their fixed-gear to work.
Why you love ‘em: Their style is undeniable and they do actually have a pretty good grasp on what’s hip (most of the time).
The Mortal Model
Being beautiful is hard work, but somebody’s got to do it, and no one does it better than the Mortal Model. They don’t have a single bad angle apparently and they effortlessly look good doing just about everything. They like to play coy about their looks but somehow never seem to have a hard time finding a date.
Why you love ‘em: Apart from being nice to look at, they give you great tips on how to look good yourself and the extra attention you get by association never hurt anybody.
The Fetish Foodie
Montreal is a city of many colours and many tastes. Reveling in the underbelly of culture, the Fetish Foodie is proud to be considered off the wall, naturally drawn to anything that arouses excessive devotion. You'll often find that their hard-earned tattoos and inside knowledge to the latest food trends are just the tip of the iceberg.
Why you love 'em: They are open-minded free spirits who turn you on to new things and always put delicious food in your belly.
The Proud Professional
One gets to a certain point in life when priorities shift from the eternal pursuit of a good time, to a focus on building for the future. The Proud Professional has reached this point and they keep it tight. Very career-oriented, they're caught up in the latest financial news, they most likely wear a suit to work everyday, and are able to define success in point form.
Why you love ‘em: You trust them to get the more serious stuff done and handle the business side of things so you don't have to.
The Born Baller
Some people are just born with it, the ability to P.I.M.P. The Born Baller drives a sweet car, only buys designer, and doesn't speak bohemian. Opulence is the name of the game so there's no such thing as a club without bottle service, dinner without a view, or a wrist without bling.
Why you love ‘em: They have cool toys, are always on the VIP guest-list, and love sharing their privilege with the people they care about.
The Detached Dick
Life would be rather bland if everyone was warm and friendly all the time, and that's why the Detached Dick is there to remind you that the world has sharp edges. They don't really deal in emotions/feelings and will slap you with dry sarcasm and unbiased honesty every chance they get.
Why you love ‘em: They keep you grounded and make damn sure you never lose your grip on reality.
The Built-in Bilingual
It’s hard to live in Montreal without having at least working knowledge of both French and English. While you probably favour one over the other, the Built-In Bilingual can effortlessly express themselves in either language, often not realizing that they have started a sentence in one to finish it in the other. With no discernible accent to give them away, it may be years before you ever figure out what their actual background is.
Why you love ‘em: Since they work and play in both worlds, they show you parts of the city you never knew existed.
For more Montreal insights follow Synden on Twitter @Synden_
Photo cred – Sophie Dahl