10 Types Of Montreal Phone Addicts
Get them off the phone and into holiday mode.
Don't deny it, you're on your cellphone way too much. It's okay, so are we, and it really can't be avoided. Cellphones, or smartphones, rather, are just inherently too damn distracting. With the entire interweb and social media networks at your fingertips, how can one not be looking down at our devices constantly? Well, if ever there was a time to take a break from your addiction, the Montreal Christmas season would definitely be it.
Not only is the outside world a true winter wonderland, the holidays are also meant to be a period where we spend time with our loved ones. It's why we get a break from school/work.
In an altruistically ironic manner, TELUS are the folks behind the incentive to get people off their cellphones this holiday season known as Holiday Mode. Through this campaign, TELUS is asking you to put down your devices and connect with the family you have around you, and not with your Facebook friends. In other words, they want you to trade in phone time for face time this holiday season.
For some of us, taking a break from the online world may be a struggle, but it's do-able. True cellphone addicts may not have it so easy. To help point out the cellphone addicts in your life, and help them get into #HolidayMode, here are ten different kinds of phone addicts you probably see on the daily in Montreal.
The Instagram Eater
No matter if they're getting a poutine or a fancy meal in Old Montreal, this phone-addict will only look at their food through an Instagram filter, as they constantly snap and post photos of their latest meal. Somehow they think people need to know that they just got a bagel at Fairmount then went to Cafe Olimpico for a coffee, which as we all know, is not the case.
Make sure to tell this friend that Montreal's amazing food and drink scene is already well-documented, and the best way to remember a good meal is to enjoy every bite, and not worry about hashtagging #foodporn. Besides, during the holidays, you'll probably be enjoying many magnificent meals with your family. Let the people around you know how much you loved Xmas dinner, not your Instagram followers.
The Free WiFi Troller
Either their router broke or tech support couldn't come through, this person is always on the hunt for free WiFi in the city. After every block, you can see them looking at available networks, praying an Île Sans Fil will pop up, a search that is less than enjoyable in the winter. During these cold month, you can usually find them in a cafe, milking that one coffee for all it's worth, which is never really past an hour and a half if you ask any barista.
What the WiFi Troller needs to realize is that, while they may not have 'net (or have to deal with an awful connection) their parents or relative's houses probably have a full-blown unlimited bandwidth network set up. See your family, spend some quality time, and reap all the rewards of free internet, everybody wins.
The Phantom Vibrator Sufferer
You and your sibling, cousin, or friend are having a nice conversation over the holidays, the first time you've seen each other in a good long while, and all of a sudden they tell you to stop talking, feel the bulge of their cellphone in their leg, whip it out, and see a blank screen, then saying, with a perplexed look on their faces "I could have sworn I felt a vibration." They didn't, they just experienced the prevalent phenomenon of a "phantom vibration," an actual syndrome where one truly believes their cell vibrated with the opposite being true.
No matter who you happen to be spending your time with over the holidays, from close pals to annoying relatives, the person you're talking to in real life is far more important than anything going on your cellphone's screen, especially when it's just a hallucination. Keep that in mind next time you feel a faint vibration, besides, it's probably a false alarm anyway.
The "Lost Without A GPS" Guy/Gal
This Montrealer truly has no sense of direction, or seems to be unable to figure out the STM network. Don't even mention the fact that "Montreal north" isn't rest-of-the-world north, 'because it'll just break their brain. Perpetually nearly lost, this phone addict is always buried into Google Maps, Transit App, or the STM app whenever they're walking or riding about the city, always anxious they may have taken a wrong turn.
Getting lost is less likely to happen when you're in a group, especially when you're with people who can get around better than you, so it pays for this phone addict to spend some time with the family over the holidays. Even if you do go a little wayward, at least you won't be alone.
The Constant Tweeter
Twitter is basically a repository for anyone to speak their mind to the online world; a venue to express one's opinion, and this phone addict is capitalizing on that fact like nobody's business. Saying whatever is on their mind at any time (always certain to #Montreal) you can always find this person "live tweeting" no matter what they're doing, whether it be drinking with friends at Dieu du Ciel or just admiring the seasonal storefronts on Sainte Catherine.
The best part about hanging out with your close friends and family over the holidays no matter what you say, is that they're going to stick by you. The Constant Tweeter should use that to their advantage, because even though they may have an opinion on everything, the people around them during the holidays will be happy to hear what they have to say, or at least put up with it.
The STM Texter
As soon as they cross the threshold of the bus doors (and now the metro's, at least on the green line) this phone addict instantly delves into their contacts and starts texting like a madman. Maybe they're super popular, or maybe they just don't want to make awkward eye contact with anyone on the bus, but either way, their thumbs must be sore from all that texting.
Entertaining yourself on the bus or metro is hard to do without a phone (unless you're old school and bring a book) but you can make this phone addiction a tad bit more meaningful by sending texts to your family members, rather than the friends you see everyday. A short "happy holidays" to your aunt will go along way in lifting their spirits, and could get you a better present from her come Christmas.
The Facebook Fiend
We're all a little addicted to Facebook, but this person takes things to a whole other level. At any given moment of the day, they're scrolling through their newsfeed, liking anything related to poutines, trolling MTL Blog articles, and joining events hosted by every single bar on St. Laurent, even though the times may all conflict. Yes, they may look popular and busy, but in reality, they're probably just going to be watching funny videos posted to friends' walls on Friday night anyway.
Getting off of Facebook is quite the feat, even during the holidays, but thankfully most folks take a much needed break to spend time the fam on important days like Christmas and New Years, thus making the Facebook Fiend's newsfeed run a little dry. As a result, they'll have less to do on Facebook, thus finally giving them a chance to exit the FB app, we hope.
TELUS Tip: challenge your family to storing your phone safe while you spend quality time together.
The Perpetual Pinterest'er
Montrealers have a true obsession with food, drinks, and DIY-stuff making Pinterest a very dangerous app to download on one's phone. It's all too easy to fall into a Pinterest-abyss, which is what happens to this phone addict. Always on the hunt for new poutine recipes, the latest cocktails on the bar scene, and all sorts of make-able Montreal swag, this person is pinning all the damn time.
One thing people forget about Pinterest is that you can actually make all of the recipes/items you pinned to your own wall. Pick a few, and make them with your family. You guys will spend more time together and you'll have something to show for it.
The Too Busy Tinder'ing Type
Swipe left, swipe right, swipe left, swipe right, that's basically the day-to-day motion of this phone addict who simply can't stop judging people based solely on their physical appearance via Tinder. You're not even sure if they're looking for a relationship, or are actually want a random hookup, as in all likelihood, they're just looking for a mild boost in confidence whenever a sexy Montrealer "likes" them. On the gay man side of things, this phone addict is just the same on Grindr.
If you're a Tinder addict craving some companionship, keep in mind you're never alone on the holidays, 'cuz you got your family right by your side. If you're just looking for a warm body to have fun with for a night, remember you can do that every other time of the year, Christmas time is for wholesome fam-jamming, and besides, it's too cold and snowy to head out for a late-night hookup.
TELUS Tip: temporarily turn the push notifications for these, and other apps, off.
The Recorder Of EVERYTHING
Whether it's a night out with friends on St. Laurent, or checking out a show at Metropolis, this phone addict is snapping pics or taking videos of, quite literally, everything. This is that guy/gal you scoff at for watching an entire performance through their cellphone screen, as they can't help but think "I'll totally want to watch this later" only to forget about it for the rest of their natural life.
Live in the moment, and as important as taking pictures of your cousin's amazingly ugly Christmas sweater, its much better to actually participate in the fam-jamming and remember everything by making memories, like they used to do in the good old days of 1993.
TELUS Tip: we get it; sometimes you want to capture moments through your phone. Turning your phone to Airplane Mode will allow you to snap away without the risk of distraction.