7 Fake Hangover Cures That Will Only Make You Feel Worse
Tips, and things to avoid the morning after.
All the ethanol in alcohol is what dehydrates you, and makes you feel like a walking piece of hobo-ass the next morning. Then you got that Acetaldehyde, a by-product of breaking down ethanol, which is 10x more toxic than alcohol itself. You can't really prevent this from happening, but a lot of people think there are hangover 'cures' that will magically take the pain away. Some work, most do not.
Load Up on Carbs
A bowl of pasta will not help your hangover. Food has to be in your belly before you start drinking to really help, so a bunch of bread isn't going to soak up all the alcohol in your gut like you think it will. You're better off eating something balanced with vitamins, carbs, and protein to get your body regular. Helloooooo.
Get Jazzed With Some Coffee
If you're a regular coffee drinker, have a cup of Joe may help, only for the fact that you probably haven't ingested any caffeine in a while and you're going through light withdrawal. Otherwise, if you somehow function without a caffeine addiction, coffee isn't going to help your hangover much. Coffee will only make you more awake, more aware of you're pain, and then make you crash, with hangover symptoms probably even worse.
Hair of the Dog
Drinking more alcohol to help your body recover from alcohol is counter intuitive, which should be the first sign this hangover cure is a load of bull. You may experience a very short relief from your hangover, but that's only because the alcohol is numbing the pain. A drink can help you get through the first awful hours of your hangover, any more will just add to the issues already plaguing your body, and start the hangover all over again.
Apparently some people think that eating burnt toast will cure a hangover, with the idea that the carbon on the charred bread will serve as a filter in the body. Not true. Activated charcoal is known to treat certain poisonings, but that's not what's on a piece of burnt toast. Save your toast's integrity and don't bother burning it on purpose, it won't help and you're ruining what could be a beautiful piece of buttered bread.
Sweating it Out
Chances are, if you're really hungover, the gym, or any physical exercise, seems like an impossible feat. Still, some folks drag themselves to the gym, thinking that you can sweat all the alcoholic toxins plaguing your body out. Sorry gym bunnines, that's not the case. A drink of alcohol (a shot, one beer, a glass of wine) is is metabolized by your body in about an hour, so a next day work out isn't quickening anything. A boost in endorphins can help, but you're likely to just use up whatever energy your body has left and then be totally depleted and feeling just as awful after you come back from the gym.
Gettin' Some Gatorade
Sports drinks seem like they'll help you out, and they do, just not to the effect people believe. Drinks like Gatorade are known for having electrolytes, something your body needs to fuel itself, a resource alcohol is said to deplete. Once again, not the case. Alcohol does deplete some of your body's store of electrolytes, but not to the extreme level people think. All sports drinks will do is re-hydrate you, which water does just fine, so you're best saving the $$$.
Somehow grease gained the title of mystical hangover elixir, touted as being able to make your body process all the leftover alcohol in your body and make you feel good. Getting some grease may taste delicious, but it won't really help your hangover. For it to help, you have to get your grease fix before you drink, as the fat will line your slow down the absorption of alcohol.
You're best bet for helping a hangover? Brunch bitches! Actually, eggs and fruit are legit hangover helpers.