Montreal's Many Hats And What They Say About You
Your hat says a lot about you, maybe more than you think.
Photo cred - Streetscout.me
Do you have a hat head? Good for you! Are you able to sport a cap without looking like a child in an oversized hockey helmet? You’re golden baby. Being able to pull off a hat is a veritable gift of the latest hat-wearing god, Pharrell Williams. But rocking a solid bucket says a whole lot about your personality and your lifestyle that you may not have been aware of. If you’re one of these people, you’re awesome, and you can probably find yourself somewhere in this list.
Where you live: NDG
What else you wear: Hoodies, plaid, and anything with a Wu-Tang logo
Your catchphrase: “Yoooooooooooo”
Your ideal night: Climb a few roofs, tag an abandoned warehouse, drink a 40, smoke a few blunts, snacks run.
Yeah, everyone wears a beanie during the winter, especially in Montreal, but we’re not talking about that. We’re talking about those who rock the beanie in the summer months, not for warmth but for that genuine hood rat steez. You don’t need perfume because cigarettes and weed are your trademark smell. You can’t remember the last time you used a sentence without “chill” or “dank.”
Where you live: West Island
What else you wear: Abercrombie t-shirt or v-neck, shorts, sweatpants or your hockey team’s track pants, a nice pair of Sperry’s.
Your catchphrase: “Beer run!”
Your ideal night: Pong in the basement, throw in a dip, head to Manoir, grab a 4L each, yell for no reason, pass out on your buddy’s floor
The New Era baseball cap with the curved brim, usually sporting a Red Sox or Angels logo, and used primarily to tame your “mad flow.” You wear it to school, when you go out, to the gym. It pretty much goes with every piece of clothing you own, forcing you to only ever take it off before bed or to put on your hockey helmet. Usually associated with the laxer (american lacrosse player and drinker of cheap light beer for those who aren't familiar) but the Montreal version would more likely be a hockey player.
Where you live: Mile End
What else you wear: Slim khaki pants or short Bermuda shorts, a white button-up shirt, boaters, wayfarers and a brown leather satchel for when you’re on the move.
Your catchphrase: “It’s okay, my dad knows a guy”
Your ideal night: Daddy’s yacht, some Veuve, some female friends, enough said.
Not everyone can pull off the mighty fedora, but those that do, really do. If you’ve tried the fedora and got some questionable looks, abandon it immediately, it’s not going for you. If you’ve sported this one on the beach and got the nod and the sex stare all day, congratulations pal, you’re officially a legend. The fedora-wearing-man (and woman) either has a ton of money and likes to show it, or no money at all and wants people to think s/he does anyway. Wether he’s fooling you or not, it doesn’t matter, he’s wearing a fedora so he’s already winning.
Where you live: Hopefully not Montreal
What else you wear: Denim shirt, anything with an American flag on it, and (god forbid) cowboy boots.
Your catchphrase: “Baby I’m country”
Your ideal night: A few Corona’s, a fine woman and anything "American."
When the ‘murica phase hit Montreal, you decided to take it to a whole new level. Have you ever even been to the US? Have you ever ridden a horse? Fucking cowboys don’t even wear cowboy hats. You live in Montreal bud, anywhere you go, you will look out of place. You think you're too country for the city, so you took a trip to Texas and they thought you were way too city. Life's hard, we know.
Where you live: McGill Ghetto
What else you wear: Tank top, jeans or shorts, sunglasses, flip flops
Your catchphrase: “Dude, I’m wheeling tonight!”
Your ideal night: Heavy pre-drink to save money, hit up St-Laurent with the boys, mack on potential hook-up #1, mack on potential hookup #2, try leaning on the bar and working the eye-contact game, mack on potential hookup #3. Bring her to $2 chows before bringing her home. Make sure she's gone before you wake up so you can hit the textbooks.
Snapbacks are popular with all kinds of dudes, from the beer pounding frat boys to the blunt-smoking hoodrats. It’s become the hat of choice for guys all around because of its versatility, and because it screams out “I love to party and get laid.” For best results, it’s worn straight forward or backwards. For all the alternatives, check the next page.
Where you live: Laval
What else you wear: Crooks & Castles varsity jacket, chains, baggy jeans, Air Jordans
Your catchphrase: “Reach McD’s parking lot bro”
Your ideal night: Rolling around in the civic, meet the buds in a parking lot somewhere, bun a fat piff, hit up the next parking lot.
You know what I’m talking about here. These bros, for whatever reason, have taken a leap of faith and decided to let the hat sit on the top of their head, completely defying the laws of physics. It’s either backwards, with the strap pushing their eyebrows into a frown, forward, adding a 4 inch extension to the top of their head, or very likely to the side, where it somehow miraculously stays put. Any mildly strong gust of wind or sudden movement would surely send it flying, but their slow walk and leaning swagger seems to keep it perfectly in place.
Irish Tweed Cap
Where you live: Griffintown
What else you wear: A beard, leather jacket, loose-fitting jeans.
Your catchphrase: “I’m pretty good at drinking beer”
Your ideal night: Head to the aforementioned watering hole and chat up the bartender and the other regulars over a few pints. Throw some peanuts at Dave. Make an unnecessary remark about Jerry’s wife. Jerry tries to start a fight and the both of you get thrown out so you walk home.
The classic Irish tweed hat that’s either worn by your grandfather or that regular at the bar. You’re a man of necessity. Your job is just a way to finance your rent and drinking money. You’re not boring, you just don’t care about all the fancy bullshit. You work a 9-5 job and after that it’s straight to the local watering hole for a few pints. You’ve got a cellphone but you only ever use it to call your mom or text that girl you met at the bar. You would not be caught dead in a club.
Where you live: Le Plateau
What else you wear: Tank tops or shirts buttoned all the way up, skinny jeans, Vans, Herschel backpack.
Your catchphrase: “I can totally get us in dude, I know the DJ”
Your ideal night: Start the evening off with a twelver of PBR, head to le Belmont to catch whatever bass madness is taking place, maybe take something, head to the after-party at your friend of a friend of a friend’s loft.
You care about how you dress but at the same time you’re not trying to impress anyone. You wear that floral print 5 panel hat for the sole reason of: “it’s dope as fuck.” Should be worn forwards or backwards, any other way and you’re either blackout or trying to start a new look, which isn’t going to happen. You pride yourself on knowing just about everyone in Montreal.
Floppy Sun hat
Where you live: Westmount
What else you wear: Oversized sunglasses, dress, heels and iphone (it’s an accessory not a utility after all)
Your catchphrase: “It’s so hot”
Your ideal night: Sipping sangria on a terrace, half talking/half texting, maybe you’ll go to a club later, but once you get home for the 2 hour prep/makeup session, you turn on the TV and say “oh my god, I love this movie!” and pass out six minutes later.
Shopping is your sport, Starbucks is your fuel and your iphone is your best friend after Stacey.
Where you live: Dorval
What else you wear: Sweatpants or cargo shorts, heavy metal or superhero t-shirts, socks and crocs
Your catchphrase: “I’m so hungry”
Your ideal night: Get wasted in your basement with a few likeminded friends. Argument over the best Batman villain. McDonalds run.
Nothing says “I don’t give a fuck” more than the bomber hat. A warm weather hat that can be worn all year round, depending on the number of fucks given. You have enough money from your job at Future Shop to move out, but hell, your mom likes having you at home anyway. You’re considered the funny guy in your group and you’ll do just about anything for free beer and food. Style is the least of your worries, if it's comfortable, you’ll wear it.