Any election campaign is basically an over-publicized night of trolling OkCupid, Tinder, or Grindr. Think about it. You have a few people who are trying to find someone/get laid (the candidates), who make a profile to draw you in (the party platform), and then they hope to date or bang you (get your vote).

Since a dating profile gives you all the information you need to know about a person, or an election candidate, we thought it would be fun to actually create the dating profiles of the major Quebec election candidates. Hopefully this will help you come April 7th...but probably not.

Pauline Marois

Screen Name: PQgal69

Hobbies: Severity, refusing public debates, disliking things that are different.

Looking For: A little something on the side. Already in an LTR, so just for fun. Going to be getting a big promotion next week, and must be discreet. Must speak French and love poutine. No students. Invite me out if you're all about Quebec and have a grandma and/or Justin Bieber fetish. Only available in the evenings, past 8pm, after my husbands gone to bed.

 

Philippe Couillard

Screen Name: BilingualBJ_7

Hobbies: Impersonating Santa Clause, impersonating Jean Charest, not being pals with Arthur Porter

Looking For: Bear seeking mama bear. Please be around my height and weight, as well as fully bilingual. Cooking skills are a plus, as is a healthy appetite, inside and outside the kitchen, if you know what I mean. I usually don't make the first move, so be aggressive ;)

Francois Legault

Screen Name: RideTheCAQ

Hobbies: Making it rain, using private jets, indecision on hot button issues

Looking For: A little princess to take care of. This rich daddy will make your dreams come true. If you've got the brains and the body, I've got everything else taken care of. LTR or just for fun, we'll see how it goes. Must be well versed in golf, wine, and other rich white guy things. Please never ask about referendums or charters, I don't like to give firm answers on either of those topics. If I don't reply, probably just in private jet.

Francoise David

Screen Name: SoloQ_55

Hobbies: Trying to remain relevant, bad haircuts, being the second option

Looking For: Submissive, feminine-type. The quieter you are the better. I get barely enough attention at work and need someone who won't take the spotlight off of me. Never side with my sister because she is always wrong. No one who will ever call me "The Michelle" of anything.

 

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