Animals Are Dying Because Of The Warm Weather
Don't worry, the fat squirrels will be okay.
Other than that one friend who's always talking about global warming, most people are pretty happy with this weather. Sure all the city's Christmas set-ups looks like crap without snow but it's a small price to pay for being able to wear a fall jacket in mid-December.
The only problem is, we're not the only ones affected by the weather. The heat is also messing with the animal kingdom, and a lot of animals are dying because of it.
Hares are freaking the fuck out right now because at this time of year, their fur turns white so they can hide better. But since there's no snow, this camouflage system has now been turned into a reflective vest with a giant "EAT ME" sign on it.
The bears are pissed off because, no snow means they aren't hibernating yet and they're running out of food. So they're either going to starve or they're gonna start eating something else ... or someONE else. Yes you.
The moose are literally scratching themselves to death because they're covered in ticks which would normally freeze this time of year.
But the squirrels are happy, they have plenty to eat and since they're currently stuck in a winter food hoarding loophole, they're starting to get fat ... really fat.
If this heat continues we're going to have to run around the woods covering hares with brown spray paint, feeding the bears and giving the moose tick baths or else the only animals left will be a bunch of fat, happy squirrels.