10 Signs You Should Dump Your Significant Other ASAP
I want to break free.
There's no denying that falling in love is better than any drug, but the sad truth is that the buzz of the honeymoon stage tends to ware off, and fast. All those little quirks and idiosyncrasies that used to be adorable are now the bane of your existence and you find yourself looking for an excuse, any excuse, to get out of date night and frolic free in the streets, or the fields, or what have you. While no one likes to admit that their relationship has pretty much come to the end of the line, sometimes you just gotta suck it up and cut your losses. After all, it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
1. You're tired of compromising your Netflix choices.
The fact that they aren't caught up in this season of OITNB is simply not your problem.
2. That low-fat, soy, gluten-free, vegan, wheat-grass, free-range, organic, insert dietary restriction fad food is nasty and you know it.
At a certain point, it's not even food anymore, and choosing a restaurant for date night already leads to enough arguments as it is.
3. Their friends are actually the worst.
The worst. How your S/O comes from the same group of people is beyond you. If you have to spend another evening pretending to enjoy their useless conversations and utterly lame inside jokes, you just might have to reactivate your Tinder account.
4. You have enough of your own family drama.
You really don't care that Johnny's second cousin's, mother's brother is getting a divorce and moving in with the pool boy.
5. Sexy time is no longer sexy.
It's a pain in your ass, literally. And touching a stranger's genitals once in a while should not be a crime, amirite?
6. The only time you want to spoon is with your god damn soup.
Okay, at first it was cute, but sleep trumps cute. Get away from meeeeeeee.
7. Seriously, you should win an Oscar for that fake orgasm.
Bravo. That was quite the performance.
8. Conversations with Siri have become more stimulating.
Honestly, you would rather ask Siri what's "zero divided by zero?" At least Siri's funny.
9. They don't appreciate Taylor Swift.
Like, seriously? How can you not like Tay Tay!? She's, like, the best.
10. Because you just want to be break free!