10 Struggles Of Growing Up Russian In Montreal
If you're a Montrealer, chances are you have a few Russian friends. While they might have been really cold and unfriendly at first, they're probably your best party buddies by now. Russians are awesome once you get to really know them.
Russians have a somewhat questionable reputation in Montreal. It's time to reveal what we're really about. You might know a thing or two about us, but you will never really understand the struggle of growing up Russian in Montreal.
1. Trying to translate jokes never works
Non-Russians will never understand the struggle of taking your time to translate a Russian joke to your friends and getting zero laughs at the end. Turns out Russian humor doesn't work in Canada. Most our jokes are only funny because they're just so bad. Like, "A hedgehog is a very lazy bird. It won't fly until you kick it". Yeah... it kinda works in Russian.
The only tupperware our moms use are old yogurt containers. They don't understand why they would need to spend money on commercial tupperware. Taking out my lunch at school in front of other kids was the most embarrassing thing ever. Like, nope, that's not yogurt, it's actually a chicken sandwich inside of a yogurt container.
Russians have a shitload of superstitions. We take them extremely seriously. Like if a black cat crosses your way, you need to spit over your shoulder three times to avoid bad luck. Or when your right palm itches, it's because you're going to spend a lot of money. You can laugh, it's okay. But don't come crying to us when a white cat crosses your way and you don't know what it means...
Photo cred - Babygaga
4. Weird beauty and fashion statements
Russians have a very unique way of expressing themselves through fashion and/or make up. It certainly takes some time to realize that a tracksuit doesn't go with dress shoes or blue eye shadow doesn't go with... anything.
5. Russian Accent
Our friends won't stop making fun of our accent. Especially when we want to go "to the" or when we need "clean shits".
6. Small talk
Russians don't small talk. If you ask a Russian how they're doing, you won't get the usual "Good". We will take our time and tell you how our day is going. Russians will never understand the point of asking someone "How are you?" if all you're going to get as an answer is "Good."
Non-Russians get really grossed out with the weird shit we eat. I'll give you an example. A traditional Russian dish called "Holodets" is basically a meat jelly. A salty, meaty, bone marrow jelly. You won't ever look at jelly the same again.
8. People trying to speak Russian
Whenever I tell someone I'm Russian, I often get something like, "Oh, cool, I know a few words in Russian! Like - sosi hui suka" which basically means suck dick you cunt. Can't you learn something nice in Russian instead? Thanks.
Photo cred - Commons
Russians always fall victims of stereotypes. No, we don't drink vodka every day and we have only seen bears at the zoo... And, NO, we don't work for KGB. *insert awkward laugh*
10. Christmas vs. New Year's
It gets really weird when we have to explain that Russians don't celebrate Christmas at the same time as people in Montreal do. Russian Christmas is in January. We exchange gifts on New Year's eve though. It's actually great, because we get to shop for gifts on boxing day right after Christmas. We can get our Christmas tree for dirt cheap too. It's a great concept if you think about it.