Word On The Street: The Basics Of AbBROveations
Cool story bro.
Oh, bros. The word and identity has become so much a part of our everyday lives that we sling the term around willy nilly, calling anyone with a fitted cap a 'bro.' To be fair, if they're wearing a fitted cap than they are most likely a bro of some sort, but its not quite so simple. Bro-ness has evolved way past a single identity, there are tons of sub-strains of bro-hood, and you would never want to call a bro a bro when he isnt that kind of bro. Not cool bro. To give you a full on bro-down, this week's Word on the Street is dedicated to the bros that be.
The Basic Bro
Let's start with the basics, where every bro began. The Basic Bro is where the original bro-look stems: backward caps, rugby jerseys, red cups, and just being loud and obnoxious. At this point in bro-hood, a fledgling bro learns all of the esssential bro-isms, from bro-fashion to chest bumping to yelling how much fun partying is. Usually the Basic Bro can be found widespread in high schools and CEGEPS, before the bro enters university and levels up to another tier of bro-ness.
The Frat Bro
Top dog of the bro-world, the Frat Bro lives and breathes bro-ness. They are literally a part of an organized brotherhood. When you're thinking over-the-top, muscle-shirt-clad, beer chugging bros, these be the guys. So tight knit are these bros it almost verges on creepy, but never say that to their faces, because there is nothing wrong with 'chilling with your bros.' Don't get in there faces and Frat Bros can actually be tons of fun, as long as you're okay with getting white boy wasted and possibly making a fool of yourself. Obviously that's okay.
The Frat Bro's weird cousin, the Alt Bro is a strange fusion of hipster-ness combined with being bro-y. Think tight jeans and 'music you've never heard of' coupled with chugging beer and bro-ing out in general. You can usually find at least one Alt Bro in a pack of bros, to spice things up and make sure they'r meeting the diversity quota. Alt Bros can also get away with a certain level of biddyness, and have more girl than guy friends, without it hurting their bro-hood.
Not to be confused with the Mo-Bro, the Bro-Mo is the gay version of a bro. An abbreviation for 'bro-mosexual,' the bro-mo can be hard to identify. They're just like a basic bro, but you know, into dudes. Slightly better styled than your average bro, the bro-mo also generally shies away from ordinary 'gay things' like going to the village, instead preferring beers and Xbox. Bro-mos take bromance to the next level, as you can imagine.
The Dude Bro
Never say this to a bro. Dude is fine, bro is even better, but NEVER combine the two when addressing a bro. It's like a slap in the face. DudeBros are the posers of the bros, the guys who have no idea how to have a functional bromance, don't know any of the bro rules, and just give bro-hood a bad name. Typically high school kids trying to pull of a popular look, Dudebros are hated by the bro-world and everyone else alike. Be wary, as your new bro-pal may just be a DudeBro (an over-bro amount of AXE is an indicator), making you a DudeBro by association. Don't let it happen people.
Caught in a Bad Bromance
Depending on the type of bro, or two bro's specific relationship, a bromance can be a beautiful or a creepy thing. Healthy bromances involve chugging beers, watching your boys' back, and playful punching/groping. A bad bromance is like having a shitty boy/girlfriend: the two bicker, can't stand each other yet are never apart, and usually cockblock each other at every turn.
Good bromances : Mario & Luigi, Luke Skywalker and Han Solo, David Bowie & Mic Jagger
Bad Bromances: Troy Bolton & Chad Danforth, The Jonas Brothers, One Direction
That's the word on the street people. You've just been given the bro-down.