7 Ways To Piss Off A Montrealer
Surefire ways to enrage a Montreal native.
All in all, Montreal natives are a pretty happy bunch. Montrealers love to go out, get a little silly, cheer for the Canadiens, and even keep a smile on during the frigid Winter months. But there are some things that will set off a Montrealer like a bull to red. Some buttons are just not meant to be pushed. Liquor, language, and lifestyle are important to the city's residents, so don't go shitting on them, and many others. Whether you're visiting Montreal, living here for school or work, or just a native who needs a reminder, here is MTL Blog's Ways to Piss Off a Montrealer.
Say that poutine from Toronto is better
Just don't, you really do not want to walk down that path. It is not pretty. #trustus
Close the SAQ early
When you see every SAQ jam packed with Montreal citizens all wanting to ring in the new year/St. Patrick's Day/ St. Jean heavily inebriated, you get a sense of how much Montrealers love their beer, wine, and alcohol in general. The city doesn't have a drinking problem or anything, Montrealers just know and love the benefits of a stiff drink. With that in mind, never close the SAQ, bar, or deppaneur early so as to deny the right to drink. In fact, just don't impede the access to alcohol at all. Otherwise, its gonna be a bad time.
Ask where Crescent Street is
Lets be honest, nearly half of the people who go out on Crescent street are tourists. Usually very drunk and obnoxious tourists. Those heading to Crescent who are from Montreal know exactly where the street is, and would never ask a Montrealer, in the most asinine manner possible: YO GUY WHERE IS CRESCENT STREET? Needless to say, you'll probably just get made fun of in French, or ignored all together. Your best bet is to just use Google maps and save a Montrealer some anger.
Walk slowly, or make getting around more difficult in general
Montreal is a city built for walking. Not too big, and with a solid metro or bus system to get to those far destinations, you can get around most places on foot. When your feet are your main mode of transportation, you do not want ANYONE slowing you down. We've all been there. Stuck behind a cute couple holding hands, a student with their head in the clouds, or a guy with his fat dog, all of which take up the whole sidewalk and don't allow even a small opening to overtake them. The result: a very pissed off Montrealer who only wishes the worst evil upon all slow walking people and their loved ones. The same rings true for bikers in the city, who hate other cyclists who hog the bike lanes or ride on the sidewalk to piss off pedestrians. Just walk fast, be alert, and you'll be outside of a Montrealer's gaze of ire.
Complain about the weather
Winter is cold, we get it. Sure, Montreal Winters are especially cold at times, but its not as if EVERYONE in the city isn't aware of it. Did you slip on some ice? Uncomfortable in your giant coat? Too cold to go out on Friday night? Well suck it up, because you won't find any sympathy from a Montrealer. If anything, not being able to brave the cold just shows how you don't belong in the city.
The same goes for Summer. When 6 months out of the year are entirely frigid, you best not be heard how its 'too hot' come July. Summer is when the city comes alive, and should be cherished, not complained about. When in doubt, just don't talk about the weather at all.
Cheer for a hockey team that isn't the Habs
Everyone knows Montrealers love their city's hockey team, the Montreal Canadiens. If you want a sure-fire way to piss off a Montrealer, go in to any bar when the Habs are playing and fiercely cheer for the opposing team. Jeering at the Habs or making blatant insults at the players/fans will almost surely get you a punch to the face. If you're a hockey fan in Montreal who doesn't root for the Canadiens, you'd do well to keep your team pride a little low key.
Compare Montreal to another city
Montreal is a very unique city, with a mix of cultures and peoples unlike anywhere else in the world. Montrealers may hate on the city from time to time, but that's the right of a native of any city. With that in mind, never let a Montrealer here you say things like: “SAQ? Well in Toronto we have the way better LCBO,” “Ottawa is SO much cleaner than Montreal.” or “New York is, like, a million times bigger than Montreal.” The fact is, Montrealers don't care what your city has, or what Montreal lacks in comparison. Just be happy you're in one of the worlds coolest cities.
We we've all been through that. 'Nuff said.
Did we forget something that gets you particularly pissed off Montreal? Post in the comments below and we'll add it to the list!
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