12 Nasty Jokes You'll Never Be Brave Enough To Tell
'So a guy walks into a bar...'
Montreal is arguably the funniest place on earth. Every July, the city gets flooded with the very best in comedy to make us laugh our asses off at the JFL Festival. And no JFL fest would be complete without the infamous Nasty Show, of course.
This year, Mike Ward aka "The Celine Dion of Dick Jokes" returns to host the Nasty Show for a second year in a row. Joining him on stage are the hilarious Bobby Slayton, Brad Williams, Paula Bel, Thomas Dale and Ralphie May.
In honor of the these fine, nasty individuals, I decided to bring you my favorite nasty jokes of all time for your cringing pleasure :D
The One About The Hotel
A family checks into a hotel.
The father goes to the front desk and says: "I hope the porn is disabled."
The guy at the desk answers: "No, it's just regular porn, you sick fuck."
The One About The One Liner
I discovered I have a "Logic Fetish". I can't stop cumming to conclusions.
The One About Coffee
I broke up with my girlfriend, because I like my women like I like my coffee.
Without other people's dicks inside.
The One About The Bull
A man got lost in a small town he was visiting when he came across a cowboy standing next to a 10-foot bull.
The man asks the cowboy: "What time is it?"
The cowboy grabs the bull's testicles, lifts them up and says: "It's 3:30 pm."
The man, confused, then asks: "How the fuck can you tell time by grabbing that bull's balls?"
The cowboy answers: "It's really simple...
...I grab the bull's balls, I lift them up a bit ... and you see that clock over there?"
The One About The Room
I walked into a room full of men masturbating.
They looked really shocked when I didn't stop.
The One About The Twins
My roommate started dating twins.
I asked him how he manages to tell them apart.
He said: "Well Stacy is blonde...
and Brian has a dick"
The One About The Cheeseburger
Man walks into a bar and the sign reads:
- Cheeseburger - $1.50
- Chicken Sandwich - $2.00
- Hand Jobs - $10.00
He calls over the waitress and asks: "Are you the one who gives the handjobs?"
She smiles and answers: "Yes I am!"
So the man replies: "Can you please wash you hands, I want a cheeseburger."
The One About The Condom
Why did the condom fly across the room?
It was pissed off.
The One About The Guy Named Randy
My grandfather, Randy, was a brick layer.
He said: "I was a brick layer for 10 years, but no one calls me Randy the brick layer.
I was a farmer for 20 years but no one called me Randy the farmer.
But you have sex with just one goat..."
The One About The Riddle
What's long and hard and has cum in it?
The One About The Circumcision
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
The One About Heaven VS Hell
A woman dies and goes to heaven.
When she arrives, she hears the most terrifying scream ever.
The angel smiles and says: "Don't worry, someone is just having holes drilled into their back to attach angel wings"
She hears another scream and asks: "What's happening now?"
The angel says: "Now they're having their head drilled to attach a halo."
The woman says: "Fuck this, I'm going to hell."
The angel screams: "No! you'll be raped and sodomized!"
So the woman answers: "Maybe so, but I already have the holes for that."
The One About The Discipline
A mother and father are snooping around in their kid's room looking for drugs.
They lift the mattress and find a stack of hardcore BDSM porn.
"What do we do?" asks the mother.
The father answers: "I don't know, but we probably shouldn't spank him."