What If Seinfeld Was Set In Montreal?
Photo cred - Songquan
Seinfeld is touted as the greatest sitcom of all time, and for good reason. What would improve the magical 90's television show? Setting Seinfled in Montreal, of course.
New York is intertwined into Seinfled, but an MTL switch wouldn't be very hard.
In our MTL-ized version, the gang is a group of twenty-nothings living in the city. Jerry and George are lifelong buds from the West Island, Kramer is a Montreal native with a very peculiar joie de vivre, and Elaine is an ex-Concordia student now working for Le Journal de Montreal. Monk's, the iconic Seinfeld diner, is switched with Moe's Casse Croute de Coin.
Inspired by a few famous episodes, here is what would go down in Seinfeld: Montreal.
The Poutine Nazi
Inspired by "The Soup Nazi" (S7E6)
- Kramer raves about a new poutinerie that has taken the city by storm, but warns the owner is very "particular"
- Elaine doesn't believe the hype, wondering how someone could really improve "a hot mess of cheese, gravy, and potatoes."
- Elaine and Jerry go to the resto. Things go well until Elaine asks for ketchup. The Poutine Nazi is appalled and screams "No poutine for you!"
- Jerry refuses to share his poutine with her.
- To take her revenge, Elaine, with George's help. intercepts the Poutine Nazi's cheese curd order, forcing the restaurant to use regular cheese
- Everyone is appalled, and the Poutine Nazi is forever disgraced
The Dim Sum Restaurant
Inspired by "The Chinese Restaurant" (S2E11)
- After a Saturday night spent drinking, the gang meets up for a hungover brunch.
- Wanting to try "something exciting" Elaine convinces the guys to go have dim sum in China town.
- Since brunch is usually well past noon, the four arrive at Maison Kam Fung with a giant line ahead of them.
- Elaine reaches the point of hangry-hungover, George stresses his cell phone will die before the girl he hooked up with the night before contacts him, and Jerry forms an elaborate lie as to why he couldn't meet his uncle for lunch.
- Kramer mistakenly went in with the wrong group, got flustered at all the dim sum carts and movement, and ends up serving people for the rest of the episode.
- After waiting "5, 10 minutes" for two hours, Elaine opts out for bagels, George never gets a text, and Jerry gets a late lunch with Uncle Leo at the Poutine Nazi's new restaurant.
The Reverse Contest
Inspired by "The Contest" (S4E11)
- While having coffee on a Thursday afternoon, George complains how he hasn't gotten any in a long time.
- Elaine quips "what else is new" which turns into a conversation about who in the group has the most game.To decide, the four create a contest as to who can get laid first.
- Jerry asks where the best chances to have a random hookup would be on a Thursday, and the whole group responds: Tokyo.
- Elaine, dreading going to Tokyo at all, gets way too drunk, ends up making out with an 18 year old, and cabs home right after learning his age for fear of being called out as a "cradle robber."
- Jerry, a germaphobe, can't handle the level of sweat and grime and leaves after 20 minutes.
- George buys drinks for a bunch of girls who got in with fake Ids, and after a brief crisis of conscience, leaves for the same reasons as Elaine.
- Kramer gets some, and wins the contest.
Inspired by "The Subway"
- Elaine takes the metro to a lesbian wedding, only for the line to randomly shut down. She's stuck for a while, and many "classic STM" lines are shot around.
- Jerry, on his way to La Ronde, makes friends with a man he later learns is homeless. The two go to the park, and end up having a pretty good time, despite the smell.
- George connects to a woman on the metro after the line shuts down. George complains "when are they going to get wifi in here" and goes off on how he doesn't believe the STM's promises to do so. The woman feigns interest, and ends up robbing George in a hotel room later.
- Kramer, while taking the bus, gets in an argument with the driver because he thinks STM tickets should transfer between buses. While they argue, a random guy pulls out a gun and attempts to rob the bus. The bus driver passes out from stress, while Kramer battles the man with the gun, all while continuing to make all the bus stops.
The Loft Party
Inspired by "The Dinner Party" (S5E13)
- Invited to a "dinner party" by an artist-friend held at a loft in Griffintown, the group decide what to bring.
- Asserting that "they're real people now" Elaine thinks they should bring dessert.
- After waiting in line at Cheskies, they find out all the chocolate babka is gone, and have to opt for the arguably inferior cinnamon babka.
- When they arrive, the group realizes "dinner party" was just an ironic FB title, and everyone else (all being hipsters) just brought wine.
- Jerry sees a girl he broke up with solely because she preferred Fairmount bagels over St. Viateur, and tries to avoid her the whole party.
- George notices he is dressed just like everyone else (jeans and worn sweater) and tries to fit in. He has trouble conversing on hip topics he knows nothing about, but eventually just starts saying "over it" anytime he's confused. It works like a charm.
- Elaine is reprimanded for not bringing a vegan & gluten-free babka, to which she replies "fucking hipsters" and storms out.
- Kramer gets some.