How I Met My Boyfriend On Tinder (And Kept Him Around For 4 Years)
Honest tips from a Tinder success story.
Just less than four years ago, I swiped right, like I had probably hundreds of times before, on a dude that looked like he had a good sense of humour.
That's it. That's what got me. His photos were essentially two moments - in a bar and with his bike - in four photos. First, a pose, then a candid shot taken immediately after the pose, showing him laughing... presumably at himself.
In his profile, he said he liked books and boobs. I dug the honesty.
Now, nearly four years later, we've moved to two new cities together, travelled to Europe and still aren't sick of each other.
So, if my advice is worth anything, based on my "success," here it is. Take it or leave it... but know I'm the happiest I've ever been in a relationship and I wouldn't do a damn thing differently.
If you know what you want, stop settling for anything else.
If you're just looking to hook up... that's for another article, I can't help you there. But if you're actually looking to meet someone cool who might enrich your life, whether romantically or platonically, give yourself some parameters.
The two things that were paramount for me were honesty and humour (as I mentioned above). So if I came across a super hot guy on Tinder that had nothing written about himself in his bio, I'd swipe left. Where's the honesty? Where's the personality? You might be hot but you're probably on this app for other reasons, so I'm moving on.
I knew my boyfriend and I would have endless things to talk about, on our first date and beyond, because his profile actually told me things about him, and he made a point of talking to me about the things I had mentioned in mine.
If you've matched, make a date!
Continuing to talk on Tinder or over text is just a waste of time and that shit just ain't real. It's like spotting someone at a bar, starting up a conversation, getting their number, and then never meeting up again. What's the point!?
Stop texting and start really talking. In person is the only way to tell if there's chemistry, and trust me, you want chemistry.
My boyfriend and I met, on St. George between College and Dupont, and just walked through U of T campus for nearly two hours, drinking tall cans of beer and talking about everything and nothing. (Drinking beer in parks is illegal in Toronto, so you can understand why we ended up in Montreal).
Don't make a date a big deal.
So you've matched and that means you both are attracted to each other and, in the short time you've been messaging, there have been no red flags.
That doesn't mean it's going to be a love match.
Stop hinging so much emotional expectation on dates. That's not to say people are frivolous, but at the end of the day, neither of you owe each other anything other than respect.
So don't think about it too much. Go meet up in a park with a couple beers and have a chat. If you enjoy it, do it again. If you don't, at the worst maybe you've made a new friend. (Sorry, I just sounded like your mom, didn't I?)
When my boyfriend first asked me out, through text after we'd finished with the small talk, he just invited me along to Toronto Island to go swimming with him and his friends. I couldn't go, which is how we ended up on our park date, but the group-hang would have also been an awesome way to meet without all the pomp and circumstance of a first date.
None of this advice is groundbreaking, but they are three little things that can really change your Tinder experience.
Tired of meeting up for dates with douchebags? Stop swiping right on guys (or girls!) that you know look like douchebags. Your shallow-ass self got yourself into this shitty date in the first place, don't play it off like it was someone else's doing.
Tired of talking for a week and never really meeting up? Stop talking for a week over texting. My boyfriend literally said to me after 2 days of Tinder chatting: "Well, that seems like a sufficient amount of small talk, should we exchange numbers now so we can meet up?" I was like UH... YA!
Tired of feeling let down when a date doesn't go well? Stop expecting anything and just let the whole Tinder experience, from swiping to saying goodbye, be something fun you have going on in your life.
And if you're not having fun? Well, I heard Bumble is good. I wouldn't know. I stopped using dating apps about 4 years ago.