We've all dated at least one person who just didn't get the "I'm not interested" message right away. You know that feeling when you try to politely reject someone over and over again but you end up being even more sucked into a useless relationship that you never actually wanted in the first place? Brutal.
Have no fear though, dear reader. I'm here to help you solve your love life problems because I'm a relationship expert, remember? So here are ten ways you can dump someone without feeling like shit afterwards. You're welcome.
1. "It's not you, it's me."
The good ol' "it's not you, it's me" trick always works. Just bulshit your way out of troubles by saying how amazing the other person is... so amazing that you're actually not good enough for them. They deserve someone better and you wish them nothing but happiness. Sneak in this line somewhere inside your self-deprecation monologue, "You'll always have a special place in my heart no matter what."
2. Change your phone number
It's easy to ignore someone on social media or email. All you have to do is not open their messages. When it comes to your phone, things can get a little more complicated. If you block their number, they'll know it. So you can legit change your number and "forget" to give them the new one.
3. Make them break up with you
You can act like a total asshole or weirdo and make them break up with you. Make up a disturbing personal story from your childhood and share it with them. Like, "When I was a kid I used to murder puppies for fun." You can also treat them like garbage and shamelessly boss them around. For example, ask them to wash your car every day and make sure to bring you breakfast every single morning. It shouldn't take long before they lose their shit.
4. Blame your family
Tell them they're really great, but your family wants to set you up with someone else. Your mom is the boss and you can't go against what she has in mind for you. You can also add something like, "I should have told you this from day one, but I just couldn't... I'm so very sorry you have to go through this."
5. Tell them you need to focus on your career
You just don't have time for relationships right now because you have other priorities. You want to build your empire first, right? Dollar bill is on your mind. There is no place for love in your schedule. Sorry.
6. Tell them to wait for you to be ready
Tell them they're amazing, but you're just not ready to dive into a relationship... yet. Say something like, "If you respect me as a person, please, give me time. A LOT of time. I will get in touch with you when I'll be ready, ok?" And then you ignore them if they contact you, because you told them to give you time, right? Eventually, they will move on and forget about you.
7. Ask them to lend you a ridiculous amount of money for an even more ridiculous reason
Tell them you need $20k to get a really nice painting for your parent's basement. Like, remind them every day how they need to lend you this amount of money. Unless they're really loaded, this can totally help you get rid of pretty much anyone.
8. Tell them you can only be together under one condition...
Again, come up with something ridiculous. For example, "We can totally be together if you agree to never talk to your best friend again." Don't explain anything, just keep insisting on them not doing something ridiculous for the rest of their life. If they're obsessed enough with you, they might actually agree to your condition. That's when you say, "Are you doing this as a favor? No thanks. Bye!" Then you ignore them. Forever.
9. Move to another city
That might seem a bit extreme, but maybe you were planning on moving somewhere anyway? Your love life situation can serve as a push to finally make that move to another city.
10. Tell them the ugly truth
This is probably the best advice on the list, just be honest with them. Tell them straight up, "Listen, you're a great person, but I'm not really into you romantically." Yes, it might scar them and/or affect their self esteem, but at least you're being honest.