Photo cred - Pedro fait de la Photo
La langue française is a (literally) a Romantic language, with a rich tradition of literature and history. It's also a bitch to learn.
1. Everyone speaks way too quickly.
French people are just making sounds from their mouth.
2. No one ever knows what the accent-things are called.
3. So who decided that inanimate objects are masculine or feminine?
So un arbre, une maison, and un fuck-you to whoever invented extra things to memorise.
4. Francophones have verb conjugation microchips implanted in their brains.
[flips through bescherelle]
No one can actually memorise all of these either, right?
5 . Why do bescherelles even have sections that aren't verb conjugation tables?
6. At what point will I be good enough so that French speakers would stop switching to English out of pity?
And when do they stop laughing at me?
7. Holy shit, I can read the French half of product packaging.
You will read the other side of cereal boxes, shampoo bottles, and juice cartons. And you will feel extremely powerful.
8. I will never pronounce it right
9. According to textbooks, French people have names that are either Pierre, Marie, or Monsieur Flaubert
...and Quebecois people have names that are all hyphenated. Pierre-Alexandre, Marie-Phillipe, and Monsieur-Flaubert.