When you were a kid, teachers were always telling you things. Stop talking in class, don't eat that, and Power Rangers aren't real, for example.
But they also told us a lot of lies. It's not really their fault, as dealing with a classroom full of rowdy kids can't be easy, but it meant they needed an arsenal of fibs and half-truths specifically crafted to make kids comply. To make them behave, and most importantly, make them stop asking so many damn questions.
The saddest part, was gowing up and realizing that these supposed realities were in fact, just a bunch of bullshit.
Here are some of the biggest lies I was told in school.
You Need To Learn Cursive Because They Won't Let You Use Print In College.
They said we would use it for the rest of our lives, but the only time I had to write something by hand, was during exams. And even then, the teachers actually thanked me for using big, block letters because it made it easy to read. These days, the only real time I use cursive is when I'm signing a birthday card.
This Is The Best Class I Ever Taught.
The same thing happens when you go to a concert and the singer yells: "No one rocks harder than Montreal!"
Permanent Records Follow You Forever.
I've never heard of anyone NOT getting accepted to university because they had a bad attendance record in elementary school.
I before E except after C.
Except when you run a feisty heist on a weird, beige, foreign neighbor.
This Assignment Should Only Take About Half an Hour.
Sure teacher, it might take YOU half an hour, but to me, this meant that it was going to take me minimum 2.
You Can Be Whatever You Want To Be When You Grow Up.
Then why the hell am I a blogger and not a Cowboy Astronaut Super Hero?
There's No Such Thing As A Stupid Question.
Except of course: "Can we get extra homework this weekend?" and "What color is yellow?"
Don't Start The Assignment The Night Before It's Due.
Not only was this a lie, it was a missed opportunity to practice a skill you'll definitely need in college.
You Need To Memorize The Periodic Table Of Elements.
How else are you supposed to understand the plot of Breaking Bad?
Practice Looking Up Words In The Dictionary.
Every week for an hour, my teacher would list 50 words on the blackboard and we had to find their definitions as quickly as possible. This is only useful if you're a teacher and you need a time-waster so you don't actually have to teach anything.
You Won't Always Have A Calculator On You
Nowadays, even the crappiest phones have a calculator. Train A, traveling 70 mph, leaves Westford heading toward Eastford, 260 miles away. At the same time Train B, traveling 60 mph, leaves Eastford heading toward Westford. When do the two trains meet? Fuck you, that's when.