Photo cred - Alanah Heffez
Montreal is full of wonderfully great and awesome people. And also not. There are always those bad apples out there that ruin it for everyone, and while you may think hate is a strong word, don't worry, we give you permission to hate them. After all, we support you because we hate them too. In fact, the whole city hates these types of Montrealers. So yes, we should all strive to show a little more compassion and understanding blah blah for these horrible, despicable, bane-of-your-mortal-existence types, but let's content ourselves first with this little list of some of the worst offenders, shall we? And as always, this is just for fun.
You say tomate, I say tomato. You say pâtes, I say pasta. Does it really matter? At the end of the day, shouldn't it be more important that we simply understand each other? That we make the effort to respectfully communicate with one another so that our common interaction is a successful one? Don't get me wrong, I strongly believe that if you choose to live in Quebec, learning French is primordial, but maybe we should be policing this new-age abbreviated short-hand, acronym emoji-infested bastard language we're now using all the time first, because from that point of view, we are all in the same boat.
Unpleasant STM Workers
Maybe one of the most despicable types of Montrealers each and everyone one of us faces is an unpleasant STM worker. Whether it be closing doors in your face, being unreasonably thick when you're having trouble understanding, or just straight-up giving you attitude because they can, unpleasant STM workers literally ruin thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands, of lives every day.
If you don't know what I mean by a doorer, I'm talking about the act of dooring, or blindly opening your car door onto the road and forcing unsuspecting cyclists to either dangerously swerve into traffic to avoid, or brutally smash into said car door, with sometimes fatal consequences. Fan or not, urban cycling exists and oblivous doorers pose a serious threat to the safety of cyclists. Pay attention asshole, it only takes a second.
Speaking of bicycles, how about those asshole bicycle thieves running rampant in our city. Every Montrealer has either had their bike stolen at least once, or knows someone who has. Stealing someone's mode of transportation is just mean, especially since a good bike is hard to come by. Unless you steal it of course.
Our largely Anglophone and often assuming (emphasis mine) neighbours down the ol' 401, love coming to Montreal for our exceptional nightlife, cheap rents and tuitions, and overall cultural superiority (emphasis mine), but often neglect to adopt certain fundamental norms present in Montreal society. Tsk, tsk. Yes, learning french can be daunting, venturing past St-Laurent can be a little scary, but this isn't Toronto anymore so embrace Montreal for all that it is.
Sidlers & Close Talkers
If you've never watched Seinfeld (where have you been living), you might not recognize these terms immediately, but you've surely had to deal with them before. Sidlers will, without warning, come out of nowhere to stand right beside you while you're busy doing something, say, making a cup of soup at work. They then often engage in standing unusually close to your face when speaking about invariably mundane, and sometimes creepy subjects, completely and utterly violating your personal space. Yep, hate them.
Photo cred - markmarkmarkmarkmark
Montrealers love to hate on hipsters, with their unruly beards, healthy disdain of mainstream consumerism, and their perceived vintage stylings, but the truth is we've all become pretty hipster these days, whether we like it or not. Montreal in general could be considered as the hipster province of Canada. Once upon a time, hating on hipsters was easy because it was concentrated sub-culture of essentially new-wave beatniks, very easy to point out. But the hipster mentality and culture has managed to solidify itself in recent years and now invades all of our lives on the regular. So if you're still hating on hipsters in this day and age, you're really just self-loathing, and nobody likes a self-loather.
Photo cred - phool 4 XC
Let's be honest, if you live in Montreal and don't like hockey, you will probably be outcasted. Worse still is if you decide to not only not like hockey, but choose to bash the Bleu Blanc & Rouge, especially in favour of another team like the Maple Suck for example. Montrealers definitely hate Hab-Haters.
As a city as over-saturated with service-industry jobs as Montreal is, the large demographic of Montrealers subsequently working these jobs who rely heavily on their tips to make ends meet, really, really do not like lousy tippers. Some countries see tipping as a purely discretionary bonus for exceptional service delivered, but bad tipping in Montreal is a big no-no. That said, bad service is a whole other story...
Now don't judge me, but as a teen, for whatever obnoxious reason, I thought spitting was cool. And I wasn't the only one either, because my group of friends would have spiting competitions to see who could spit further and with better technique than everyone else. Alright, you can judge me now. How absolutely disgusting, right?! Yeah, so to any Montrealer spitters out there who think hocking up a loogie in public is acceptable, it's actually gross and stop it because the city hates you.
Montreal is pretty cool when it comes to busking, even having its own unwritten culture for when and where one can bust out their favourite musical instrument and please the masses, but some of them are just bad. I'm all for talented individuals trying to make a little money in metro station tunnels and what not, but please spare me your shrill screeches, or shitty covers that invariably make my ears bleed.
Despite what MTV, or whatever the hell the kids watch these days, will tell you, manners go a long way. Being polite and respecting the people and the environment around you is cool, believe it or not. Being pushy, and rude is not. So offer your seat to someone who needs it more, hold open doors for those behind you, wait your turn when merging in traffic, and just stop sucking in general. R.E.S.P.E.C.T. - find out what it means, yo.
Everyone loves Judge Judy, right? Her no-bullshit attitude, her stern demeanor, both socially necessary and wildly entertaining. But I'm not talking about professional judicial authority here, I'm talking about Montrealers who love getting all up in everyone's grill to dish out their bias, and often unwarranted, opinions about how others should handle their business. It's one thing to have an opinion, yes unfortunately everyone is entitled to their opinion, but it's another to get all sanctimonious about it and force it on others.
Photo cred - chaychee
Is there anything worse than punk kids who pretend to live that "thug life" but get an allowance every week from mommy and daddy? Okay, there is much worse, but nevertheless, wannabe thugs who try and act all hard because they think they "represent the street" when the worse crime they probably ever committed was a dine & dash at the local St-Hubert rotisserie are absolutely ridiculous. Newsflash - being a criminal is not a good thing, and pretending to be one is loathsome.
Photo cred – Annex Photography