Photo cred - Guy F. Raymond
In university, the entire city is your oyster, just waiting to be slurped up and enjoyed. Student life brings inherently has its own set of struggles (money, homework, exams) but no matter how far into the academic dumps you get, you always have the shining light of graduation at the end of the tunnel. Students can't help but fantasize about life after university, a magical time when money will be flowing, you'll be completely self-sufficient, and life will be bliss. Not the case.
Life as a recent grad is a much harsher reality than students think, something that sets in during pre-graduation anxiety and fully takes form a year after graduation when you're still working as a server with zero prospects in sight. We know the struggle, so lets share the pain with 29 happy thoughts you had while in university which are a far cry away from how post-grad life actually turns out.
"I am SO done with school, never again"
- You're already looking at post-grad programs at McGill, Concordia, or UdeM.
"When I get my degree, I'll totally be able to afford a sweet place"
- You move back to your parents house which is conveniently far from the city.
"Life will be totally stress free once exams are finally over and done with"
- You constantly examine your life and get super depressed when you see photos of your successful friends on Facebook going on trips and conferences for work.
"Of course I'll stop drinking so much after school is done, I'll have my job to focus on"
- Your alcohol needs will increase 4 times a week to de-stress at a low cost.
"Right after graduation, I'm moving to Toronto, or New York, or London"
- Can only afford rent in Montreal.
"Getting a job in my field in Montreal won't be hard at all"
- Now you work at a bar on Crescent, using your psychology degree to psychoanalyze lonely bar patrons
"When I graduate, I can finally afford a car"
- I have to pay for gas, insurance, maintenance AND my license??
"Getting an Anglophone job will be really easy, I studied business"
- ...Maybe if you studied computer science.
"Montreal men will be so much more refined than the immature boys who go here"
- Not so much, boys will be boys.
"Montreal women will be a lot more put together than the biddies in class"
- Again, not really.
"Be ready Montreal, I got big plans and I'm only moving forward from here"
- You go back to working that old server or store clerk job to get by.
"Normal people won't be as academically obnoxious as these McGill kids"
- You can't run, you can't hide. Just like you, they don't stay in university - they're obnoxious at McGill, they're obnoxious out of there.
"Studying Philosophy isn't pointless, it prepares you for all sorts of work"
- Like working at a call centre, one of the few jobs English speakers can actually get in Montreal.
"Of course I'll keep getting my monthly Opus card after graduation, how else will I get around?"
- Not after you realize it's double the price.
"After I'm done I'll finally be able to read things I want to read"
- The only time you read is in Parc La Fontaine when its sunny, and that's only to look smart.
"I'll finally have money to go to bars in the Old Port"
- Not on your starter salary. Be glad Biftek is still there for you to drown your woes in cheap beer.
"I will be able to treat myself and friends out to big fancy meals"
- $2 chow mein anyone? It's on me.
"The large tables at Kitsuné are the best for studying"
- All students need to get the hell out of every single indy cafe and get to the library, I need somewhere to sit.
"Working at a hip Montreal startup will be so cool"
- Until you walk into the dilapidated office building in Mile End.
"Summer will be so much more amazing when I have enough money to actually spend on festivals"
- Forking out 80 bucks for a JFL headliner or $250 for Osheaga weekend is still not a possibility.
"I will not be buying wine at the dep when I'm a real person"
- One, you can't fight the convenience. Two, you can't beat the price. Three, you're not even close to being a real person.
"My professors love me, we're totally going to be friends after graduation"
- They have no clue who you are and give you an award wave hello when you pass them on Sherbrooke
"The party will not stop, me and mine are totally going to be hitting up all the bars every weekend"
- All of your friends have moved away, busy working/interning, or traveling the world.
"Sundays will become so much more productive once people stop dragging me to Tams"
- No one can resist the call of Tams, unless you're going to Piknic.
"Once I have more time, I'm totally going to get inolved with local politics and make Montreal a better city"
- The most you do is follow Coderre on Twitter
"I love Montreal, I'm never going to leave"
- You're already looking for job posting in Toronto
"Learning French will be so much easier when I have more time to study it and practice"
- You don't have the money to take a class or get a tutor, and you're still hitting up all the same English-speaking spots anyway
"Screw winter, once I stop having exams, I'm totally vacationing to escape the cold"
- You wish. Winter is the exact same (holing yourself up for three months) just with less house parties.
"Of course I'll still be on the scene after I graduate"
- If you do get a real person job, you start going out once a week and your knowledge of bands playing at Osheaga is lost.
Looking for more? Click here for 10 Struggles Only A Montreal Recent University Grad Will Understand >
For more on all things Montreal, follow Michael on Twitter @MDAlimonte