When people find out that you are from Montreal, they instantly bombard you with what seem to be the dumbest questions ever asked. You know when your teacher says no question is a dumb question, they are lying. People think that Montreal is this bizarre small little city/island where we eat a bagel every morning. I mean yeah, some of these are true but common guys.... I don't live in an igloo and I don't survive on poutines.
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So, here is a list that consists of the dumbest questions someone has ever asked you just because you live in Montreal.
1. Do You Speak French Or English?
Neither, we speak Franglais
2. What's A Poutine? And Are Poutines Actually Good?
It's heaven in the form of food and it's AMAZING.
3. Did You Know You Lived On An Island?
No, really? I was not aware of this.
4. Do You Hibernate In The Winter?
We can't since we have a life, it's called layering and sucking it up!
5. Do You Live In An Igloo Since Montreal Is In Canada?
Well, yes. Isn't it obvious? I mean so does all of Canada so, why would Montreal be an exception?
6. Do You Have A Bagel Every Morning?
Only if it's covered in cream cheese.
7. How Do You Get Around With All The Construction?
We don't. It's called a BMW.. BUS, METRO, WALK.
8. Why Is It Called A Metro And Not A Subway?
Because subway is a fast food restaurant so, we needed a different name or people would get confused.
9. What Does STM Stand For?
We have no idea... Shitty, Transit, of Montreal?
10. My Cousin Lives In Montreal, Do You Know Him?
No, we don't know everyone who has ever lived in Montreal.
11. Montreal Is So Small, What Do You Do For Fun?
More things than you do for fun that's for sure.
12. Why Do The Police Wear Cargo Pants?
Because it's comfy duhhh! We actually forgot that it was for a protest at this point.
13. How Do You Ever Find Parking?
We don't. And when we do, we get a ticket EVERY TIME.
14. What's an Opus?
It's a third ligament that will get you around Montreal and you would not survive without it.
15. Is Osheaga Like Coachella?
Idk maybe buy me Coachella tickets and we will find out!
16. Why Is Tuition So Low In Montreal?
Because we are all broke.
17. What's An R-Score?
Hell on earth. You future career depends on it.
18. Why Does Everyone Ride Bikes In Montreal?
Because the roads are just pot-holes.
19. Do You Guys Have A Lot Of Beaches Since You Live On An Island?
I can't count one natural beach...
20. Are Smoked Meat Sandwiches good?
Almost better than a poutine!
21. Is Laronde Better Than Canada's Wonderland?
A rollercoaster is a rollercoaster
22. How High Is Mount-Royal?
High enough to make us want to die once we reach the top!
23. Do You Put Maple Syrup On Everything?
Do you think we live in the movie E.L.F?
24. Do You All Love The Habs?
We should but some don't.
25. Is It Actually Like Living In Europe?
Well the architecture sure is European but I don't see no gondola going to pick me up.
26. Have You Ever Met Celine Dion?
Yeah, we homies.
28. Why Does Everyone Wear Adidas?
Because they are comfy AF.
29. Do You Have To Speak French To Get A Job In Montreal?
30. Why Are You All Hipsters?
We aren't. We just have a sense of style.
31. Why Do You Guys Drive Like Shit?
We are trying to avoid the pot-holes and suffer from SDS. Shitty Driving Syndrome since we are always stuck in traffic.
32. Why Do So Many People Smoke In Montreal?
Weed or cigarettes? What am I saying... We do both!
33. Why Is There Always A Protest In Montreal?
Because we are always angry at something. Don't fck with us cause we will wear little red squares and walk through the streets with pots and pans.
34. Why Are All The Bars And Clubs On The Same Street?
Because we are lazy AF.