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Well, we sure know how not to hit on a Montreal girl. Surprisingly dick picks and Wendy’s drive thrus are a no go. Seriously though, there is a lot of stigma now a days when it comes to flirting. This sucks because there is potential for flirting to be a really great experience for you both. I think that most of the time there is a disconnect between people when it comes to what is, and is not okay when it comes to hitting on someone. And even though Canadians are notoriously polite we will still let you know when the situation is no bueno, Montrealers in particularly. But don’t be scared or discouraged. Luckily for all you eligible folk out there, I’m going to let you in on how to properly hit on a girl from Montreal.
While the language of love is universal (wink wink, nudge nudge), English is not. If you’re going to talk to someone, regardless of attraction, you should probably attempt to speak with her in a language she is comfortable in. Otherwise your flirtatious vibe will deflate, and you’ll both be left feeling silly.
2. Keep It Old School
And when I say “old school” I am not talking about being a patriarchal ass hat. No no. I’m just saying little acts of courtesy go a long way. Hold open the door, offer your coat to shield her from the blistering Montreal winds. Whoever said chivalry was dead probably didn’t date much.
3. Ask Before You Dance
There is a special place in Hell for sneaky dance floor grinders. I am firm believer that the city of Montreal has the highest rate of female butt violation in the world. So here’s your tip. Surprise dancing does not count as “picking someone up”, you're just annoying. This method may be less “mysterious”, but people are infinitely more likely to dance with you if you take the initiative to ask.
4. Keep Your Car Out Of It
I don’t know what it is about Montreal boys and their cars, but they seem to be awfully attached. Yeah, personal transportation is nice, but it’s not a pick up line. PLEASE save the car talk for later. If four wheels and a paint job are all you have to offer then you may need to revaluate some stuff.
5. Inside The Bar
This whole catcalling dilemma needs to be addressed because Montreal has got a bad case of it. Gentlemen, if you’re interested in talking to a girl, do not scream from your car window while she is walking by herself. It may seem like a good “opportunity” to “chat”, but trust us, it’s not. When you’re on the other side it makes you feel vulnerable and more often than not the experience is frightening. Have the balls to go up to her in a bar, and if she wants to talk to you then she will. Otherwise you’re not giving her an option.
6. Cut The Bull Shit
Montreal girls have a very European-esque, straightforward way of doing things. To put it simply, we don’t take your shit. Don’t do that “Insult us so we’ll want you more” crap, we won’t. And we’ll let you know that we don’t.
7. Offer To Take Her Out For Bagels
I mean, who is going to say no to a nice Montreal style bagel? This plan is indestructible. Whether you’re talking to a girl on Tindr, in a club, lining up at Segals; bagels win everytime.
8. Without Expectation
Finally, and MOST importantly, when you hit on a girl from Montreal -or anyone in the world for that matter- it should be done without any expectation. The catch to hitting on someone is the fact you are putting yourself out there. Just because you buy someone a drink does not mean they owe you anything. Be nice because you genuinely want to be, not to get something out of it. If you get shot down, shake it off and move on partner. It’s all gonna be okay.