Photo cred - m&m, The Kozy Shack

Even celebrities need to eat, right? Based on our (totally) rigorous scientific reasoning, we picked 9 poutines for 9 celebrities who have called Montreal home.

P.K Subban

Born: 1989 in Toronto, Ontario.  Currently living in Montreal.

Occupation: NHL defenceman, Bruins-killer

Poutine: The obvious choice is the Hat-Trick (Poutineville), with minced beef, hot dogs, bacon, cheese curds and poutine sauce. I don't disagree, but I would suggest this raw, vegan homemade version instead. Substituting fries with a jicama slices, gravy with a mushroom-onion sauce, and topped with creamy avocado, it's a healthy alternative for a dude who can't eat carbs. He can top it off with parts from the entire cow that he buys every summer.

Xavier Dolan

Born: 1989 in Montreal, Quebec. Currently lives here.

Occupation: Actor, screenwriter, film editor, producer

Poutine: First of all, two out of five of the films Xaveir Dolan directed reference mothers in their title: J'ai tué ma mère and Mommy. Even without that, look at his photo: what a perfect combo of cigarette smoke and hipster hair. His films have won, like, a gazillion film festival prizes, because they're all really sad and we know that true art is tragic.

The obvious choice is the Sucré-salé (Chez Claudette).

Salty but sweet, tearful but heartwarming. Onion rings, honey, and Pogos - perfect for someone who still dwells on their childhood mommy issues.

Win Butler and Régine Chassagne

Born: 1980 in Truckee, California; 1977 in Montreal, Quebec

Occupation: Musicians, founding membres of Arcade Fire

Poutine: La Festival (La Banquise), with ground beef, swiss cheese, hot peppers, and onion rings. Not just for its name, but because Win Butler was raised partly in Texas. They like spicy things there, right?

Jay Baruchel

Born: 1982 in Ottawa, Ontario. Currently lives in NDG/New York

Occupation: Actor, screenwriter, producer

Poutine: La Classique. (La Banquise) Although Baruchel has been in some box office hits like This is the End and How to Train Your Dragon, I feel like he's still a hometown boy at heart. (I mean, his Twitter handle is @BaruchelNDG. His profile pic is of him in a Habs cap.) Nothing too fancy. Cheese curds, gravy, fries. Boom. Montreal perfection.

William Shatner

Born: 1931, in Côte Saint-Luc, Quebec

Occupation: Actor, writer, captain of the USS Enterprise

Poutine: Poutine au foie gras (Au Pied de Cochon), with creamy fois gras, crispy fries, and and artisan cheese curds. Only the best of the best for Captain Kirk.

Caroline Dhavernas

Born: 1978 in Montreal, Quebec

Occupation: Actress, most recently appeared in NBC's Hannibal

Poutine: Hannibal is a show all about Hannibal Lecter killing people and eating them. Dhavernas plays Alana Bloom, a psychologist who ends up sleeping with Hannibal. In honour of her character's well-intentioned but terrible life decisions, I pick the Curry Poutine (Chef Guru) . The gravy is made from curry sauce, served on top of crunchy fries, cheese curds and chopped cilantro. Sounds like a fun night.

Rufus Wainwright

Born: 1973 in Rhinebeck, New York. Lived in MOntreal for much of his childhood.

Occupation: Musician

Poutine: Rufus Wainwright has had a tough life, coming out as gay when he was a teenager and later battling a drug addiction. Although he looks like the beautifully ethereal artist type who lives on cigarettes and chocolate milk, I'm looking for something homey and comforting. Le Galvaude (Chez Claudette), with french fries, gravy, shredded chicken, and green peas.

Weird? Yep, but as Wainwright himself said: "I've tried to be a vegetarian [...], but I keep falling off the horse and, like, eating it"

Leonard Cohen

Born: 1934 in Westmount, Quebec

Occupation: Musician

Poutine: L'eau à la Bush (Frit Alors), with steak, onions, and mushrooms. Not the most soulful of foods for the guy who wrote Hallelujah, but it's hearty and it fills you up, making perfect for the Montreal winter nights that all Leonard Cohen songs seemed to be written in.

Celine Dion

Born: 1968 in Charlemagne, Quebec

Occupation:Musician

Poutine: Let me share an anaecdote: in high school, a kid in my French class wrote a short story where Celine Dion walks into a restaurant, everyone's shocked, and the chef goes crazy trying to plan out a gourmet dinner. The plot twist at the end is that Celine Dion only asks for a simple poutine. The moral of the story is that high school students are idiots.

Please, like Celine Dion would ever eat anything with that much fat, sugar, and delicious (but empty) calories. A simple glass of water (everywhere).

If you’re also a weirdo about Montreal culture and humour, find Sijia on Twitter (@chuffystilton) or on her tumblr.

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