Photo cred - a-teenager-on-a-long-dirt-road
During a night out drinking there is something that all girls both look forward to and dread at the same time; the bar bathrooms. You go in to use the washroom for 2 minutes and twenty minutes later you've met 10 different types of drunk Montreal girls. Here's the type of girls you can look forward to meeting this weekend at any bar bathroom near you:
1. The Selfie Queen
This little princess is the girl you see every Saturday night flouncing in to Buonanotte. Despite the fact that it's -35 out she has on a mini dress and open toe heels. You know she spent the entire day watching Kim K makeup tutorials in preparation for her Saturday night out. She heads for the mirror the second she stumbles into the bathroom. Who cares that there are other people in the bathroom, that wallpaper would make an amazing backdrop for a new Instagram pic. Making sure to show off the MK on both her clutch and watch she is ready for another twenty pictures. Alternating between duck face and the kissing face, because apparently they is a difference.
2. The Basic B*tch
You've all met her and, embarrassingly enough, there's been times where you may have even been her. She's the one coming up to you at the mirror to let you know just how much she loovveees your shirt. And purse. And your hair. And nails. And you. You're just so totally awesome! She's ready to become your new BFF. She's already grabbing her iPhone from her Coach satchel and planning a lunch date at Mandys this week. Do you hear that Rihanna song playing? This is totally her song, you guys should go out and dance! Never mind, she'll just sing along loudly to you. Why does this always seem to happen when you visit La Champagnerie? Every sentence is either screamed or is her singing to you and seems to always end with her grabbing on to you, showing just what close friends these past 5 minutes have made you. What did she say her name was again? Jessica? Ashley? Doesn't matter, she's thankfully found a new victim whose hair/nails/shirt she totally LOVES. Bullet dodged.
3. The Drunk Fighter
You saw this girl coming the second she fell through the Coq n Bull door, presumably down all the stairs. After barricading through all of the tables in her way, along with everyone sitting at them, she's in the bathroom ready to bitch out anyone in sight. No one knows who she is, who she's with or why she's pissed off, but everyone does know this bitch is ready to go off. She's 5 seconds away from grabbing her pitcher of shitty beer and tossing it over the bathroom stall at the poor girl dumb enough to take more than 20 seconds to piss with this psycho in there. You've been waiting for a stall for only a few minutes and you've heard this ratchet scream "What the fuck are you looking at?" more than 5 times, once to her own reflection. Her off brand "Converse" are drenched in what you pray is beer, as she stumbles out of the stall, pitcher in hand. Is it really only 11 o'clock?
Photo cred - @emilysabs
4. The Crying Drunk
This girl was only at the club for an hour and she's already storming into the bathroom in tears. Her friends are right behind her, drinks in hand ready to feed into this girls drama. How dare that guy she was dancing with dance with someone else! She's in a fucking sorority! Doesn't he know how lucky he is? That's the last time she sleeps with someone from Concordia! Her makeup is now all over her face and she looks like the scariest morning after picture you've ever seen. She's drunk texting her friends that are smart enough to miss out on this shit show while the friends that she is with send drunk Snapchats. The crying blob even manages to make an appearance in some Snaps, working her mascara stained angles for all they're worth. Suddenly she's wiping off her makeup and ready to start the party again. A few more Snapchats for good luck. As she leaves the bathroom she is still yelling about how done she is and you can only imagine the dramatic ride back to the West that this girl has in store.
5.The Ratchet Drunk
This girl has managed to become more sloppy than both the drunken fighter and the gross crying girl combined. She can barely form a sentence and standing on her own is definitely out of the question. She trips over her Sirens bought heels and stumbles into the stall, her gold sequin dress hiking up and giving the rest of you a show. 10 minutes in there because she couldn't quite figure out how to open the door, she's now stumbling into every other girl on the 3 foot trek to the mirror. She pulls out her NYC lipstick and mumbles to herself about it being after midnight and girls have to now pay. Good thing she got here at 10. With a fresh lipstick mustache on and her cheap Ardene "hair" extensions flowing freely, she's ready to get back to the dance floor. She stumbles over her own cheap heels and falls out of the bathroom the same way she fell in. Hopefully she can find someone to buy her drinks before leaving to catch the last metro back to St Henri.