10 Ways To Get A Montrealer To Love You
Surefire ways to get some Montreal love.
Montrealers are known as a rowdy bunch, and that can be intimidating to people visiting or just moving into the city. Equally down to get wasted and fight authority (sometimes as the same time), Montreal citizens can be your best friend or your worst enemy, depending on how you approach them. You should never fear a Montrealer, as all can be very fun and nice, at least as long as you mention some specific things or praise Montreal.
Use the Shwartz
If you haven't already noticed, Montreal is big on food. Use the Shwartz to your advantage once more and talk up the best deli meat in town: smoked meat. Phrases like 'its a more awesome pastrami' or 'I wish I could get this in my city' will gain you instant favour. Citing Shwartz's as the ultimate smoked meat shop will make you seem competent, but comparing the different smoked meats of the city (Ruebens, The Main, etc.) will give you an instant boost in the love meter. Remember: always on rye with mustard.
Get in the HAB-it
If hockey, sports, or winter in general comes up, take this as a cue to mention the Montreal Canadiens aka the Habs. Mention how great they are despite not having won a cup in over 20 years (although you may not wanna bring up that last part) and compare them to your favourite team, the Habs being more awesome, of course. Even if you aren't into hockey, just throw in a 'Habs > The Leafs' statement and you'll be more than fine.
Walk the Walk
Pedestrian traffic can be nearly as annoying as the automotive counterpart to Montrealers, so be sure to keep up with the flow of sidewalk and escalator traffic. The mass amount of people locked in at stairs, street corners, and escalators can be intimidating, but just go with the flow. Speed up when you have to and slow down similarly, just never, EVER, randomly stop and disrupt walking traffic. No photo or friend is important enough to halt the flow and enrage the pedestrians of Montreal. Only do so if your life is in mortal danger, as a rule.
Live Like You Love Poutine
If it comes up in conversation (and it probably will), pretend you like poutine, even if you don't. Because even when people say they don't care that you don't like it, deep down they're already looking for a way out of the conversation (and possibly the friendship). It looks especially good if you ask where the best poutine place that is NOT La Banquise. Request a spot to get the real deal of greasy and sloppy goodness. Don't be hesitant when they take you the the Montreal Pool Room. Sketchy, yes, but oh so delicious.
Be The Bagel
Yet another claim to Montreal's fame is the Montreal bagel. Prepared in a unique method originally seen only in Montrealfor the full rundown), the Montreal bagel hold a special place in the hearts of the city's citizens. Its hard to hate on the crispy-salty-sweetness of Fairmount or St. Viateur bagels, but even if you're not a fan, just refrain from saying 'New York bagels are better." You'll gain a bagel-sized hole in your head if you do. Its best to simply applaud the Montreal bagel in all its delicious glory instead.
The Canada Goose Are Loose
Every year, at the dawn of Winter, an annual Canada Goose jacket epidemic takes hold of the city's youth. Join in and laugh majestically alongside Montreal's natives as they poke fun at the over sized coats which pretty much make everyone look like the Michelin man with a fur hood. At the same time, don't wear a skimpy Fall coat when it's blizzard-like weather outside. And NEVER complain about the cold. We're aware of how fucking cold it is, we're just too proud and badass to complain. Bitching about the cold will only instill Montreal-hate, trust.
Vote No On Ontario
For some reason there is some beef between Quebec and is neighboring province, Ontario. The feud probably stems from the fact that Toronto is the only Canadian city worth comparing to Montreal. If you do find yourself in a conversation regarding the two, make sure Quebec/Montreal always looks better. Things to bring up when hating on Ontario: The Toronto Maple Leafs, Rob Ford, beer and wine not sold in deps, and many more. Seefor inspiration.
Quebec is one of the world's largest maple syrup producers and exporters, and Montreal takes pride in the syrupy stuff. Throw in how you love maple flavoured things, and don't be surprised when you're asked to try maple flavoured EVERYTHING. Sip on maple tea, eat some maple bacon, and get wasted on maple whiskey. Not only will you be supporting a major Quebec-industry, you'll look uber-Canadian at the same time.
Words Are Everything
If you're just meeting a Montrealer, try your best to speak in their native language, French if they're French, English if they're English. It goes a long way and is a must if you're fluently bilingual. If you're not, they'll see this as adorable and could never be mad at you again. A simple 'bonjour, ca va?' will go a long way in convincing a Francophone you aren't a douchey tourists. Any Anglophones will pretty much just be appreciative of having you promptly end the 'are they or aren't they French' mental debate going on in their head.
Everyone in Montreal knows we're terrible drivers. Speed just tends to win out over safety. Embrace it and join in the recklessness of ignoring most speed limits. No one likes the one person actually driving 100km/h on the highway. Do, however, show pedestrian-love and make sure you look to see any bodies blocking an intersection before you whiz through.
Fight The Power
Montrealers can be more than a little passionate when it comes to politics and going against decisions made by the government. Unlike most of Canada's population, Montrealers have no issue with voicing their rage and enacting public demonstrations and protests. Even if you don't feel too strongly about an issue, just politely agree with whatever the person in question may be ranting about, or just remain happily neutral. Just never hate on any protests, lest you be ousted from Montreal entirely.
Got any more hacks on getting Montreal love?