If you've ever in your life met me, then you know one thing for sure: I am (was?) a huge, huge drinker.
I've been drinking pretty heavily at least since I was 16 years old, so booze has been super present in my life for at least a decade.
And when I say "drinking pretty heavily", I really, legit mean it.
So, you know how some people work all week and then just go out on a Friday or Saturday night? Well, that was never me.
I'd work (or go to class) every day of the week, and go out drinking every night. When I was younger, I used to go hardcore clubbing at least once a week, too.
And I used to drink, and drink, and drink.
Casual, weekly outings usually meant at least a couple of shots of hard liquor; weekend outings meant, of course, more than 10 shots, plus some cocktails; and during the workday, I'd have a few glasses of wine and beer, just because.
TL;DR: I couldn't live my life without being at least a little tipsy or buzzed. Which was fine for a while, until I decided it wasn't.
Honestly, I never considered myself actually addicted to alcohol, but now I look back and I see that I was relying on it for a lot of things.
I've never been super comfortable in highly social situations, and I've always been more than a little anxious - so any time I'd start feeling uncomfortable (which is always), I'd drink.
It would calm me down and it was great... but then I realized that it was actually kind of sad. I can't ever learn to work on myself if I'm always just drinking away my issues, right?
Plus, I'm almost 26. Hangovers hurt a lot more now than they ever did when I was 16.
So I vowed to kick my alcohol dependency, and be the kind of person I wanted to be naturally. Without needing to get drunk AF first.
After a few failed attempts, I had my last binge drinking episode on St. Patrick's Day of this year. Since then, I haven't actually consumed a drop of alcohol.
It was hard at first, mainly because being the drunken hoe was so ingrianed in my identity that I had no idea who I was without a wine glass in my hand.
Honestly, it's still something I'm figuring out. Right now, I have no drive or motivatrion to drink again, and I want to be a little more secure in myself before I do.
Personally, I feel like I will eventually get to the point where I can control my drinking and happily have an alcohol-fuelled night out with my friends. But I don't think I'm ready for it just yet.
I'm actually enjoying getting to know myself without a tequila shield, and I'm actually enjoying not drinking.
I'm saving a whole lot of money, plus I have time for things that'll actually improve my life.
I still kind of feel a bit brain foggy, if I'm being honest - but I can think a whole lot clearer now; and not getting hangovers is kind of the best thing to ever happen to me, no lie.