Photo cred - Kristina
We Montrealers know how to get buzzed, get drunk, get crunk, get fvcked up. But oh my hangover are we fed up with the zombie clutch of death the next morning. I’m not sure what it is about aging that offends my body so much that it’s chosen to rebel against my drinking so dramatically. The difference between my high school vs my university hangover is basically Lindsay Lohan Mean Girls vs Lindsay Lohan mugshot. Shit got fkn real.
If you’re like me you feed your hangover demon with a steady supply of Netflix while you eat a single cucumber interspersed with copious naps. But if that’s not for you, and you're interested in how other Montrealers combat their Irish flu, check out these tested and true hangover cures.
Disclaimer: we are not responsible for: sickness, death, or dismemberment resulting from these suggestions please use at your own risk.
Photo cred - WFLBC
1. Bloody Caesar With Raw Eggs and Raw Bacon
I’m on board the Caesar train but I’m skeptical about the rest of this recipe. I feel like raw meat is something only lazy campers and 3rd basers should eat. But who am I to argue with science?
2. A bacon And Cream Cheese Bagel With An Iced Cappucino From Tims
This basically confirms every stereotype the rest of the world has about Canada. All that’s missing is an apology to the syrup for leaving it out of the equation, eh?
Straight back at it then. This is not the cure for the faint of heart and should probably come with a beginners guide. Whiskey in the morning screams all sorts of danger. But, when in Rome you do as the Romans do and drink alcohol that tastes like piss and burns like fire. I may be paraphrasing here.
4. 1 Smoothie, 1 Powerade, 1 Greasy Burger & 3 Doobies
Cheech and Chong called and they want invited to this party.
Pho. It sounds like half a word. Every time I hear someone talk about this I always smile politely and nod my head as though encouraging them to end their train of thought. Oh, you're done. This is the entirety of the what you were trying to say. But other than that it's hard to judge this delicious Vietnamese cuisine. It's worth eating even if it doesn't help the hangover.
Photo cred - iwillwriteforyou
6. A Bag Of Cheese Curds And A Camelbak Of Gatorade
This enables you to lay face down all day while staying hydrated. Perfect for when you get New Year’s drunk on a weekday.
7. Pickle Juice Chugged Straight Out Of The Jar
Animals. Is this a thing? I would try it but I heard that much vinegar can stop your heart. Or maybe that’s why it works? Your heart just needs a break to catch up with the rest of you. That’s fair, heart. That’s fair.
8. Vegemite On Toast
I've tried Vegemite. I think I would prefer to suffer through my hangover than eat this tar-like poison. Some insist it's is an effective cure due to its richness in vitamin B and folic acid, which are severely depleted when drinking alcohol. Don't try to trick us with your big words; Vegemite's the devil in a jar we know it!
9. 4 Am McDonalds (for hangover prevention)
Oh McDonald's, you may not be among Montreal's best drunk food spots, but still we seem to gravitate to you like flies. Maybe it’s the joys of working minimum wage that your workers infuse the food with, or just the fresh and organic meals you’re so very committed to serving, but something about your menu really appeals to the drunkards in us all. Nothing says quality like customers demanding your food while totally shitfaced.
10. Boozy Brunch
Now this is a cure I can get behind, if I can make it out of bed. There's nothing quite like managing to haul ass to one of Montreal's many amazing boozy brunch hot spots and compare notes from the night before with your other delinquent friends. Also, eggs Benedict may be God's greatest gift to man.
Make sure to comment if you or your friends have any "Tested and True" hangover cures you would like to share!