I met my ex at a summer camp where we were counselors and I think that what brought us close is the fact that we were in the same cabin for almost the whole summer. This is how we started to get to know each other. Funny thing: he was my first love and I was his.
Since he was my first I did not know what to expect and it took me a lot of time to officialize our relationship but when we were finally together, let’s say that I was happy. At least for a while.
The thing is, I never thought it would end up like this : not talking to each other. You guys should know that I hate having grudge against someone so when he left, I really wanted to stay friends or at least, not hate each other.
Sadly, it wasn’t the case for him. When he broke up, I never got the chance to ask him all the questions I had in my mind, so here there are :
The night you left me happened so fast. We spent the day celebrating Christmas and when it was over, all you did was take your things and leave my house. I did not understand what suddenly happened and I wish I knew what made you change your mind within a split second.
2. Was it really all my fault?
When you left, you told me that everything was my fault if our relationship did not work out. But was it really ? I know I have my wrongs but it can’t be the whole reason... Just like just told me so many times : ‘A relationship involves two’...
3. Why did you become so mean?
During our breakup I have never said something bad about you, so why did think you had the right to insult me like I was nothing ? All the hurtful things you said to me made me feel awful and it still does.
4. Was it necessary to tell our friends things about me?
Yes, I still talk to our friends even if we are not dating anymore. And the worst feeling is when they tell me something that you were the only one supposed to know. You asked me so many times to open myself to you but I never knew you would actually use those things against me.
5. Why did you cut me off after so many months?
The few months after we broke up, we talked a little bit to each other. It was just us talking about life and nothing more and we were both fine with it. Unfortunately, once again, I had to learn from our friends that you blocked me from everything and that you did not want anything to do with me. It actually made me relive our breakup all over again.
6. Why do you hate me that much?
The first time we saw each other after we broke up, it was okay I guess. You even said ‘hi’ to me but the second time our paths crossed again at a party, you couldn’t even look at me and I could feel a wave of hate coming towards me.
7. Did you find someone else?
We’re not together anymore, but I still care about you and I wish you nothing but the best. Even if it means that you found someone better than me.
8. Did you mean it when you said you loved me?
The night everything ended you told me that it was not the first time you thought about leaving me and it really made me question everything you said. I felt betrayed because I couldn’t be sure if the things you told me in the last few months were true or not.
9. Did you learn something from our relationship?
For my part, I’ll have to say yes. I’ve learned so many things from you like how to enjoy the little things in life but I have also learned that there are things I should never give up for a guy.
10. Why did you leave me when I needed you the most?
Everyone has their ups and downs and so do I. I’m not perfect. In fact, I am far from it. It just makes me sick that I was always there for you but the minute things got rough for me, you just turned your back on me.
11. Do you still think about us sometimes?
To be honest. I still do. Sometimes, I think about what could have happened if we were still dating. When I do something we used to do, a memory comes to my head, and it makes me think about the time we shared together.
12. Do you regret anything?
I hope you do not and I hope you feel the same way as I do. If I could go back in time and change the past, I wouldn’t change a thing. It was an experience we both had to go through and I am glad that you were the one to live it by my side. You made me a better person today and I am grateful for everything you did for me.