Last week, as unsuspecting Montrealers revelled in the humid, Indian Summer by licking ice cream off the sidewalks and playing with their Slip ‘N Slides, hordes of rabie-laced ladybugs terrorized sick people and the elderly. To combat The Horde (as I like to call them), this week, the City of Montreal released a Public Safety Advisory with steps able-bodied people can take to protect themselves. Thank God.

Although these public safety measures come as a sign of relief, I have noticed that the ladybug attacks from last week, decreased substantially this week. (So far this week I have not seen a single ladybug in my apartment, and last week I saw 3! That’s a 300% decrease in ladybug attacks on my end).

I’ve thought about this extensively and concluded that this week’s drop off in ladybug attacks is due to one of two things. Either a) due to their newfound fame, the ladybugs have scurried back into their holes (or wherever the hell they live) only to continue plotting their next attack when we, the humans, least expect it, (I’m thinking when all of Montreal is consumed with Hanukkah), or b) they have died off due to the cold.

Either way, I’m nervous as hell, and you should be too. This Is Serious.

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Looking for more? Click here for This Is Serious, Montrealers React To All New Controversial Taxi-Safety Guidelines >

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