What Bartenders Think About You When You Order
Choose your drink carefully.
Photo cred - Party Teacher
There comes a time in everyone's week when you just need to take a break from the whole "being a responsible young adult" thing. For some of us, that means getting cozy with one of our oldest and most trusted friends - alcohol. Being in Montreal where the number of drink menus to select from is virtually infinite, there is always something fun and new to sip at while we let our obligations melt away with the ice at the bottom of the glass.
We all have that go-to drink order that we come back to for the moments we need a little liquid lovin'. That drink can reveal a lot about your mood, your personality, your aspirations in life, and the bartender is in a unique position to to decipher that code when you order your favourite cocktail.
Here is what your favourite fallback might be telling them.
Photo cred - Party Bluprints Blog
1. Long Island Iced Tea
You are here for a good time, not a long time. You're the kind of person who drives results and isn't afraid to go after what they want. In other words, you obviously don’t mess around, and this drink is as serious as you are. You want something that will have you white-girl wasted by the end of the next song, and this dangerously easy-to-drink mixture is just the fun in a glass that you're looking for.
On another note, sipping on a Long Island Iced Tea tastes a lot like sitting on a terrasse in the summer time, and nobody would ever judge you for wanting a little bit of that in your life, especially in the dead of the Montreal winter.
Photo cred - west elm
2. Old Fashioned
You've got things figured out. You approach life with the same patience and care that goes into the creation of this classic cocktail.
The Old Fashioned drinker appreciates that good things take time, and that anything worth enjoying should never be rushed, which makes them an excellent lover who won’t skimp on the foreplay. This is the kind of person who will light your cigarette for you before you have a chance to ask for one. If they were to give you a ride home after your nightcap at the, you know they’ll wait for you to get inside safe before driving away.
Photo cred - Ivan Ivanov
3. Piña Colada
Okay, yes. Piña coladas are freaking delicious. However, if you aren’t at 3 Amigos, or anywhere else that might feature this drink on its the menu, you have absolutely no business ordering it. (You just don’t understand what it’s like to have to use that awful blender when it isn’t part of the routine...) Piña colada consumers live seemingly comfortable lives and they only let loose a couple times a year on special occasions. Ordering this drink reminds them of that one time they went on an all-inclusive holiday and got a mini umbrella with every glass, and they liked that a lot. They don’t really like the taste of alcohol, but they don't mind the warm buzz that follows the brain freeze. They like to have some good, clean fun with the same friends they've had since high school, and then go to bed at a decent hour. They may or may not have some repressed childhood issues that they have yet to work through, making the piña colada a drink best served with a therapist’s business card.
Photo cred - fabulouslyclassy
4. Vodka Water
Nobody drinks vodka and water because they really like the taste. You're an experienced party animal who is on a mission, and you need a beverage that won't break your focus. You want to get properly plastered, but your mild body image issues might be weighing in on your beverage selection... Like, obviously you're going to party as hard as the rest of them, but you need something that will allow you to consume as few calories as possible in the process. (The die-hards won’t even squeeze a lime in their glass.) You don't know how you're getting home tonight, and you're okay with with that. It won't be long before you're out there owning the dance floor, busting a move like no one is watching (but still kind of hoping all eyes are actually on you). Vodka water guzzlers party like rockstars, and look the part.
Photo cred - The Kitchn
Screwdrivers are for high school house parties, or a little pick-me-up at home when you’d rather mix that leftover vodka on the counter with the Tropicana in your fridge than tap water. Either way, it’s a drink that should stay at home, and really has no place being ordered at a bar. As such, the bartender will have reason to believe that if you're ordering a screwdriver, you are probably underage. Or you just don’t get out much, and it's time to consider expanding your horizons.
Photo cred - alibaba
5. Jack and Coke
These guys and gals know how to have a good time. They are the life of the party and their primary concern is making sure that you are having as much fun as they are. Notorious for buying round after round of shots for friends and strangers alike, Jack Daniels drinkers are social butterflies hell-bent on optimizing the net enjoyment for the entire group. It’s almost alarming how much they are able whack back throughout the night and still carry on not only coherent, but also highly entertaining conversations with anyone within earshot.
Photo cred - Maison Boulud
The cosmopolitan martini is simple and elegant, and so are the people who drink them. These people may be unassuming at first, but just give them a minute for their first drink to kick in! They are often sharp-tongued social chameleons that laugh easily and often with anyone who sits down next to them. Adventurous at heart, they will try anything once and don’t mind stepping outside their comfort zone when the situation calls for it. Throw in an excuse to feel fancy, like heading to the Ritz-Carlton to try Maison Boulud's twist on this classic cocktail, and they're pretty much set.
The Cosmo lover is the one you need to call when you need a pick me up. They're always up for a good time, and their cynical observations of humanity are undeniably entertaining. Not to mention that crazy laugh of theirs is awfully contagious.
Photo cred - imgend
You can’t go wrong with scotch drinkers. People who opt for this variety of whisky are definitively cool. They are sophisticated and charismatic, oozing with the kind of confidence that often comes along with maturity and ambition. They are well-dressed beauties with an eye for detail, and appreciate the simplicity in life. It’s dangerously easy to lose track of how much of l'Île Noire's 140+ scotch selection you've sipped through in one night while lost in conversation with one these well-spoken charmers. Also, for whatever reason, gentlemen who drink scotch tend to have ironically perfect facial hair.
Photo cred - drizzleanddip
8. Gin and Tonic (G&T)
There are two kinds of Gin people in this world – people who love it, and people who can’t touch it ever again because of that one time….
The people who default to this classic are just plain fun to have around. They tend to know a lot of things about a lot of things, so the conversation flows as smoothly as the tonic does into their chilled glass. As the night progresses, they're the ones painting the night 7 seven shades of love, leading singalongs, teaching you new dances moves, or getting increasingly riled up in a passionate debate with a stranger about something they read on MTL blog earlier that day. They also run a higher risk than others of going home with that stranger to, ahem, unwind after that debate.
But at the end of the day, or night, the G&T’er is just so damn likeable that you forget how obnoxious this behaviour would be under any other circumstances.