The first time I drank alcohol most people in the room thought I was dying and so did I.Since I don't know my real parents, they could not warn me about this common reaction that makes me look like the weirdest person in the room. Fortunately, with the help of the Internet, I could finally understand what happened to me that night.
I, like most Asians, have the Asian flush syndrome. This condition happens whenever I drink an alcoholic beverage. Apparently, my metabolism has a lot of difficulties to digest alcohol so it produces 6 times more acetaldehyde (a substance in my body) than the normal amount. Consequently, my body goes crazy.
Drinking in front of other people makes me feel uncomfortable and here's why:
1. I become the tomato's sister.
Whenever I drink alcohol, I turn bright red. My face looks like a tomato and blotches appear all over my body. We could say that my skin only has two colors: yellow and red.
2. Girl On Fire by Alicia Keys is actually a song about me
The only time I'm hotter than my friends is when I have a couple of drinks. The heat coming off of my body could melt all the icebergs on this planet.
3. I'm the first one to get wild.
I'm having fun alone as always. yay
4. After one or two drinks I throw up
That's the part I hate so much. Two drinks then I'm a big hot mess.
5. My heart is beating so fast and I can feel it everywhere in my body
Even in my booty...
6. I get a massive headache
It feels like someone is smashing my head against the wall. Multiple times
7. I ruin everyone's picture
While everyone looks so pretty, I'm the red girl who stands out.
8. I have to explain to everyone that I'm not dying
" I'm fine. Thanks."
9. I become literally blind
Being Asian mean you already have tiny eyes but imagine when your eyes decide to become all puffy. Everything turns black.
11. My body swells up
I love it when I become twice my size.
12. While everyone is at their fifth drink, I'm still drinking my first one
I might drink really slowly but I can save a lot of money in one night.
13. I'm one step closer to death
Not only it makes me do stupid stuff that could kill me, but people who have this condition are more likely to suffer from esophageal cancer.
14. I go to the toilet like every 5 minutes
If I don't want to die as soon as the party starts, I try to drink water between each drink. Unfortunately, I spend my night in the bathroom to get rid of all the liquids in my body.
Here's a (not so cute) picture of me when I drink