What Your Starbucks Drink Of Choice Says About Your Personality
You are what you drink.
You can tell A LOT about a person from what they order at a coffee shop, especially at Starbucks.
Take my advice: don't size up a person by their shoes, car, or bag - observe their coffee order instead. It is probably one of the best indicators of a person's lifestyle, hidden quirks, temperament, and overall personality.
That said, the perfect location for a first date is Starbucks. I know it might not be the most original or creative of options, but hear me out. The coffee your date order will speak volumes about them - But beware, as this can go both ways. They are probably judging your drink of choice as much as you are judging theirs.
1. Filtered drip coffee
Filtered drip coffee guy (or gal) is the most authentic and "normal" of the bunch. I'm talking middle of the bell curve and reliable almost to a fault. Think Jared from Silicon Valley or Jim Halpert from The Office.
The drip coffee person is the one you call up the night before a final exam freaking out because your desperate for their perfect notes. But you're not surprised to find that they're chilling sippin' a glass of rosé because they've followed a strict self-imposed 2-week study regimen so that they wouldn't end up screwed like you the night before.
They are the employee you want to hire, they lay out their clothes the night before, and they are the folks you should probably marry. Because with these vanilla peeps, what you see is what you get, simple creatures who know what they like and stick to that. But like anyone, their personality has some dark hidden corners.
Drip coffee folks secretly yearn for adventure. Drip coffee is some of the highest in caffeine content, so you know that they love a good rush. It's just that they're so stuck in their ways sometimes they need a new person or lover to jolt them into the unknown.
2. Double espresso / macchiato
These people are the worst. But they are also kinda the best in small doses, though. People who drink espresso straight or nearly straight know how to get shit done. They're that guy in the meeting who boldly says what everyone is thinking; they also just love the sound of their own voice.
Espresso people are really fun and easy to date. They'll quickly reveal their carefully crafted inner world, liberally bragging about their collection of Kierkegaard books and obscure Nordic folk music. They will also whisk you away on adventures you never dreamt of going on, you'll think to yourself "I feel so special, this must be a dream". That's because it is.
Alas, a relationship with an espresso person can never truly last in any real sense because these people are hiding a shadowy underbelly. Espresso people are a little nihilistic, life is ultimately meaningless. They love the rush and energy of a new relationship, but anything deeper and requiring too much effort gives them serious case of the willies. At the end of the day they simply love themselves more. #ghosted.
3. Java Chip Frappuccino
This bitch loves to party. Anyone who loves any kind of chocolate loaded frappucino is the person that's blowing up Insta stories with a non-stop reel of drunken cleavage-popping selfies and sweaty dance floor shots. Always full of spice and sass, though, the frapp bunch are rocket-balls of energy. Do NOT stand in their way.
The frappuccino person is the one driving the car with the ridiculously oversized rims and the dude wearing the blinding bright red jewel encrusted Giuseppe Zanotti sneakers. This person wants everyone to know who they are and where they're from.
These people are also a bundle of fun to date because although they often get called superficial, at the end of the day, they live to YOLO. Consequently, making them the least conscientious out of the bunch.
As a result, Frapp peeps always have 10000 unchecked notification on their phones, tabs open on their laptops, and a slew of unpaid parking tickets. The dark side of dating frapp folks is sometimes you will feel like the parent to a really hyper adult child.
4. The Chai Latte
This is the person that is uncomfortably quiet at social events, but as soon as they open their mouth, you think to yourself "where have you been all my life!?"
The Chai Latte - or pretty much any tea-based latte - person is at their core a humble introvert. On first glance, some call them boring or awkward. But, in reality, they've probably traveled to some remote untamed parts of the earth, have a double PHD in astrophysics, and are best friends with Elon Musk, but they'll never brag about it.
Navigating through life with a Buddhist mentality the Chai Tea person is the opposite of an open book. Mysterious like a mythical creature, you watch them trot off to yoga class and feel your heart squeeze. You might be in love.
In the end, Chai Tea peeps are tough nuts to crack, but - it's worth it. Don't rush, though. These people don't just throw their trust around like Drake does singles. In fact, if this person senses you trying to infiltrate their emotional safety bubble they will push you away as fast as humanly possible. And before you know it - poof, they're gone.
5. The classic Latté or Cappuccino
These people have their shit together more than all of the above combined. Basically, you want to - no actually, you NEED to be best friends with this person.
They are a perfect blend of the drip coffee folks and the chai latte people. Sometimes shy, sometimes outgoing - these people perpetually live in the grey zone, that's what makes them so appealing. Their personality is dependent on context rather than some grandiose intangible idea they made up of themselves. Cough cough, Mr. Espresso, talking to you.
They are so balanced, well adjusted, and free of common neurosis you wonder if a magical fairy raised this magical unicorn. Overall, latte people are chill AF. They just ooze that kind of genuine "I'm comfortable in my own skin" vibe that is totally magnetic and impossible to fake. Date this person ASAP.
6. Plain green tea (or any hot tea)
The thinking emoji just pops right into my head when someone orders a hot tea at Starbucks. A cold refreshing iced tea on a hot day is acceptable, but people who go to a coffee chain only to order plain hot tea - no sugar, nothing - strike me as a bit odd.
Before you start to actually date this person, it might be a good idea to try to subtly check if they have an actual pulse, because you might just be on a date with a robot from the future. Ok ok, tea-lovers, I get it - some people don't like to drink coffee and shouldn't be judged. But, you know what, I'm going to judge them a little anyway.
That said, tread carefully with people who regularly order tea from Starbucks, they are the type of people who might seem all happy, healthy, and positive on the outside, but they could be holding some deep inner secrets that just might rear it's ugly head faster than you can say "can you make that a venti".