Montreal's cherished weekly display of counter-cultural characters and activities is a sight not to be missed. As such, it comes as no surprise that what was once one of North America's largest unorganized gatherings of people can tend to get caught up in the human nature of a pack mentality. Any Tams veteran would be quick to tell you that the seemingly random assortment of people occupying the mountain is in fact compartmentalized into smaller factions of people with common (albeit strange) hobbies. And if we're talking cliques, let's make no mistake that Mean Girls has given us the universal guide to navigating even the most obscure of society's sub-sects.
Here are the Mean Girls equivalents to some of the groups at Tams:
1. The L.A.R.P.-ers – a.k.a. The Nerds
This group of lovable misfits is one of my personal faves to set up shop next to. Providing some seriously medieval entertainment to an already awesome day is a favour for which all upper-mountain Tams-goers are eternally grateful, and so I say with the utmost respect that these fine ladies and gentlemen represent a minority known otherwise as The Nerds.
2. The Drum Circle – a.k.a. The Sexually Active Band Geeks
While the comparison is pretty self-explanatory, allow me to break it down for you guys: The drum circle is the proverbial heartbeat of Tams. It's one of the most high-energy spots of the day, accepting all percussionists and any other musicians who feel inclined to join in on the dawn-to-dusk improvised song of the stoners. This crowd can lay down quite the sexy beat, garnering them the title of The Sexually Active Band Geeks.
3. The Frisbee Enthusiasts – a.k.a. The Varsity Jocks
These guys have been known to toss around a frisbee or two in their time. And when it's not a frisbee landing in everyone else's picnic, it's anything ball-shaped and hard to catch thus clipping some innocent bystander in the face (and I'm totally not speaking out of any experience-based hostility...). Arguably, they're some of the sportiest members of the Sunday Funday, and there's no question that their open displays of activity-loving dudeliness are enough to land them the position of our very own Varsity Jocks.
4. The Forest Dwellers – a.k.a. The Burnouts
Literally everyone at Tam Tams is doing something that's not exactly encouraged on any other given day. Be it smoking weed or drinking in public, there's no shortage of minor infractions being committed every Sunday. Yet, even still, one particular group of individuals is behaving so sketchilly that they have to hide deep in the woods, far from all of their other Tams counterparts, to do whatever it is that they do up there. In every hidden forest nook and cranny dwells a Tam Tams Burnout doing something questionable.
5. The Dealers – a.k.a. "The Greatest People You Will Ever Meet"
We've all been there – you wake up on Sunday morning, pack a blanket and some brews, and suddenly realize that your stash has run dry. It's a problem all stoners have faced, but luckily for them the kind suppliers of Montreal make a point each week of coming out to the monument without fail to take advantage of the most profitable day of business. These guys are truly the unsung heroes of Tams, and as anyone who has ever been in this predicament will tell you, they're the Greatest People You Will Ever Meet.
6. The Scavengers – a.k.a. "The Worst People You Will Ever Meet"
You spark a spliff and all of a sudden you've acquired at least five new besties. While you'd all love to believe that they like you for you, the reality of the situation is that there's a chemically-backed explanation to their newfound admiration of your charm.