Winter is fast approaching, and as much as you try to convince yourself that it's not reaching Montreal this year, it is! And when it does, it'll be rough! We know you've been delaying your essential Winter purchases. What are you waiting for? Loafing until you can actually see the snow on the ground won't be a good idea. Everyone will have already bought their Winter attire, and you'll be stuck wearing the clothes and accessories that no one else wanted. That's right, we're talking liquidation racks! Now, we won't go all "fashion police" on you and tell you what should be worn this Winter, or what's hot, because that would be awfully mundane, and ironic, given the temperature. Instead, we'll warn you about the pieces you'll want to stay away from this Winter, not only so you can avoid looking like a total Winter in Montreal n00b, but so you can find out how to be practical when it comes to dressing for what's about to be the worst four months of your lives.
Everyone's favorite Winter pajama, the onesie! Excellent for keeping warm in bed from head to toe and looking adorable. As tempting as it is, do not attempt to walk out of the house with this. Even if all you need to do is walk your dog, beware, wearing these things is addictive, and no one wants to see you in your onesie. That was reserved for the eyes of your parents as you sat in your crib, and could barely talk.
Sheep Skin Moon Boots
Sure, walking around on a bed of sheep skin feels like jumping on clouds. The undeniable comfort of these boots are not in question. But fast forward to a month from today, wearing these 100% non- waterproof pair of boots will have you wishing you packed an extra pair of socks in your bag. Not to mention the crazy effect that Montreal's salty sidewalks have on these furry things. Your black pair of boots will become zebra patterned, because the salt on the ground attracts to these Winter boots like a magnet. As well, unless you're a kindergarten student, or your don't mind being bullied, or you're just someone stuck in the body of a fairy princess, it's highly recommended that you stay away from pink footwear.
Hey! Whatcha' listening to over there? Oh... you mean.. those aren't a pair of headphones? Unfortunately, no Unless you're okay with wearing what looks like a super huge pair of furry headphones, stay away from earmuffs. Not only do these look seriously ridiculous, if you were an educated and experienced Winter in Montreal survivor, then you know that these won't do you any justice in terms of staying warm. Winter toques were designed to cover the entire scalp area, because it is known that on cold days, the body's heat generally escapes from the top of your head. So if you think these cute fluffy earmuffs are actually going to protect you against the cold, think again. Besides, how are you going to actually listen to your beats while these take over both of your ears?
Unless you plan on becoming the next Steve Jobs or Sterling Archer, and have already started to plan on how you'll adopt their signature look, do yourself a favor and stay away from these chocking creations. Turtlenecks don't have zippers, or buttons. For those of you that go back and forth from outside to a heated room on the daily, you'll probably find yourself itching at the suffocating sweater and wishing you had never worn it. Scarves will keep you just as warm, and they can be taken on and off!
Grandma's Knit Sweater
The favorite Christmas gift of all, Grandma's homemade, knit creation! This might be your favorite sweater of all time, or the most embarrassing garment that hangs in your closet. Either way, there are only two occasions in which it is absolutely mandatory that you wear this sweater, and then never again. Be sure to throw the sweater on right when you open the gift, just to show Grandma how excited you are about the newest addition to your collection. Second, if your family's the type to take Christmas photos, make sure this sweater gets a feature. Everyone else will be wearing something similar, so you'll blend right in, and besides, these make the best photo album features. Other than that, throw it in the back of the closet, not to be seen until next xmas, or whenever your grandmother visits.
This one's up for debate. On one hand, this hairy facial accessory keeps a man extra warm as he sits by the fire place. But on the other, when the blizzards of Montreal take over, you'll know the thick snow will use your beard as a target while it falls. You might have to worry about carrying a towel, or even a blow dryer with you to make sure your beard doesn't drip.
It's no doubt that the color white looks fresh and radiant, especially against a first snowfall. But again, if you're an experienced Winter in Montreal survivor, you know that the second you'll sit down to wait for the bus, or lean against anything outside your house, your sparkling white garment will quickly turn into a marked up, off- white piece of clothing that's aged another five years. And you can never get that off! Play it safe and go for darker shades.
Finger Gluing Mittens
These cozy looking, knit pieces of wool will have you sweating bullets and make you want to cut the finger tips right off. Need to grab money out of your wallet? Text a friend? Better hold on! Because you'll have to worry about ripping off these mittens that barely give your fingers any room to breathe. Mittens also serve as a smoker's worst enemy, don't even think about holding a cigarette with these sock-like hand warmers. Do yourself a favor this winter and stick to a conventional pair of gloves! Fit for all purposes, pick up a pair of glider gloves. Specially made and finger separated, these are 100% touchscreen friendly.