A Giant Spider Crawled Out Of My Couch Last Night And I Will Never Sleep Again

I am embracing the return of spring with open arms. Now that the snow is thawing and the temperatures are warming up a little I am ready to pull out my summer clothes and put my winter jacket away for good. 

There is, however, one unpleasant part of spring that I always forget. It is a constant thorn in my side, a relentless buzzing in my ear — it is, of course, the bugs.

Each year, ants, fruit flies and spiders come stomping into my apartment like a drunk acquaintance, eating my food and making themselves at home despite definitely not being welcome. Rude.

A recent encounter in particular has me seeking drastic measures to limit the number of invaders in my home.

TL;DR With the return of spring comes the return of bugs and insects of all kinds, and a recent encounter with a spider has me seeking drastic measures to protect myself from the yearly invasion.

The recent weather had me excited for the beginning of spring. To get into spring mode, I decided to spend my evening watching the brightly coloured and tropical Siempre Bruja while drinking a mojito (happy Jeudredi y'all).

I was lying across the couch with my mojito in one hand and a bowl of popcorn in the other. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a slight movement. When I focused in on the movement I realised that it was a giant SPIDER CRAWLING OUT OF MY COUCH 5 centimeters away from my face.

I like to think of myself as a free-spirited person in touch with nature and other living things. After all, I do yoga, I enjoy camping on occasion, I have plants in my room and I even once saved a bee.

But boy, when I saw that giant house spider, I knocked over my popcorn (and my drink, which is a real shame), screaming bloody murder.

I have to ask: is nothing sacred anymore to these bugs? It's one thing to see flies buzzing around the windowsill, or a spider weaving its little web in a corner of your closet, but to make yourself at home in MY couch? No thank you.

The bugs have overstayed their welcome. Yes, I know that they're "crucial to the ecosystem" and that "a lot of other species depend on bugs as a stable food source" but come on. There's gotta be another way.

I am thinking of packing up my belongings and relocating to Alaska. Or, the moon, when Elon Musk makes those trips commercially available.

@spacexembedded via  

I can't keep living in fear that a spider will crawl on my couch again, or even worse, my bed. Something has to be done. There has never been a more compelling reason to fight climate change: the rising temperatures mean more bug-filled months.

For those of you wondering what happened to the pesky intruder: my boyfriend heard me screaming and gently took the creepy crawly thing outside.

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