Toronto Has A "Unicorn Poutine" & Offended Quebecers Are Threatening To Separate
Poutine is a simple dish consisting of fries, gravy, and cheese curds and it is widely considered Canada's national dish. People LOVE poutine and when a restaurant messes with the tried-and-true formula, people get upset.
Sure, some of you love your poutine topped with smoked meat or an egg — which is perfectly fine. But some want to watch the world burn and commit heinous crimes against poutine. This is exactly what the chefs at Toronto's Enchanted Poutinerie had in mind when they created this unholy abomination...the Unicorn Poutine.
Now full disclosure, I haven't tasted the poutine nor do I intend to (you don't travel to Toronto to eat poutine, mmkay?) but I can just tell that the Unicorn Poutine will both confuse and upset me.
Featuring "rainbow" cheese curds from Quebec and "unicorn" coloured gravy, the poutine looks like a war crime. Is it sweet? Is it salty? Who knows. The only thing I know is that you should keep this thing far away from me.
Don't take it from me, other Montrealers have also reacted harshly to this atrocity committed by Toronto's Unicorn Poutine. Proving once again that Toronto isn't it, the Unicorn Poutine has otherwise perfectly rational people contemplating separatism.
Here some of the best responses to the worst thing ever.
What really confuses me is that the Enchanted Poutinerie in Toronto has the usual menu items on tap such as smoked meat poutine and bacon but then follows it up with mac and cheese poutines and gnocchi poutines.
Like, okay — that doesn't sound too bad, right? But keep scrolling through the menu and you'll find this:
Hello, police? Can you pick me up? I'm scared.
Hey what the actual fuck is this https://t.co/xztxi9ztz3— Marie but screaming in Québécois (@Marie but screaming in Québécois) 1572899129.0
Naturally, people were less than pleased about this unholy creation. The restaurant describes poutine that "will send your tastebuds into a magical place, making you believe that miracles can happen."
Clearly, the Enchanted Poutinerie didn't get the memo that you don't need to add "unicorn magic" for poutine to make you believe in miracles.
@velocipietonne If the "Unicorn Poutine" garbage turns you into a hardline separatist I understand and support your decision.— Roke (@Roke) 1572902509.0
You want a miracle? Here's one: the first bite of a Dan Dan after waiting in line at the Banquise at 1 a.m., drunk, in a blizzard.
I was already feeling like crap all day and now I can’t escape seeing that stupid unicorn poutine all over my feed.… https://t.co/807oyh8TfH— Andrew Berkshire (@Andrew Berkshire) 1572905403.0
You're right, Andrew, someone should pay for this crime against poutine.
Others had a more nihilistic response to the news.
after seeing what’s known as “unicorn poutine”, ive decided that death is the road for me— clint (@clint) 1572923434.0
I've seen the video of the Dallas Stars employees dressed up as Habs fans eating mayo out of a jar and a picture of… https://t.co/PUOO3DophA— 🏁 (@🏁) 1572901590.0
And you all thought we were overreacting?
Montrealers love their poutine! Word of advice for any restaurant that thinks a Unicorn Poutine is a good idea — just don't. Especially if you're from Toronto.
@mtlblog Toronto is terrible.— Anthony Gifuni (@Anthony Gifuni) 1572907636.0
@mtlblog Now I finally understand why Montreal hates TO— 💥 TheGhazStation 🔥 (@💥 TheGhazStation 🔥) 1572908013.0
Toronto, y'all are cancelled.
If you didn't think poutine was magical enough, #Toronto's Enchanted Poutinerie has got you covered! Looking like a… https://t.co/henarkc5yP— Canada (@Canada) 1572810144.0
What do you think of the Unicorn Poutine?
If you're in Toronto and want to try the Unicorn Poutine, by all means, go for it but before you bite into that abomination, send us a photo or video @MTLBlog on all social media!
The opinions expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect the views of Narcity Media.