It's official: a new report released by Statistics Canada Monday suggests Montreal's got a leg up in terms of life satisfaction. It would appear as though all the bike paths and lactose-free lattes in the world aren’t enough to bring smiles to VanCity. In the first Canadian report of its kind, it turns out holier-than-thou Vancouver – the jewel of Western Canada – has the most miserable people in the whole country, even worse than Winterpeg and Hamilton. Meanwhile, Toronto slash T-dot slash centre of the universe slash Drake, was rated second last.

According to the study, the three happiest places in Canada are Sagueney QC, Trois-Rivieres QC and St. John’s NL.

Statistics indicate that the corporate centres of Canada like Toronto and Vancouver are rather unsatisfying to live in! Even small towns like Windsor, Ontario beat them out. For those of you who’ve never had the pleasure of visiting, Windsor might be caricatured as a place where most folks live in boarded up houses by day and raid abandoned grocery stores for canned goods by night.

NOW ENTERING WINDSOR, ONTARIO - POPULATION: STOP SIGN

Now onto the most important town of the lot: MTL. While Montreal beat out the big cities by a fair margin, overall we didn’t rank as happy as you might assume. Montreal only placed 13th out of the 33 cities surveyed, sneaking just slightly above of the national average. And yes, if you look at the chart a little closer you’ll come to the shocking realization that Montreal residents are less satisfied with life than those of Saskatoon! I know what you’re probably thinking: what the hell is a Saskatoon?

Photo cred – Megan Hogarth

And while I fully realize that having to feng-shui all those dead faced commuters at Berri-Uqam during rush hour on a daily basis is probably the most depressing thing in the entire world, the only fun thing to do in Saskatoon is get drunk and drive a combine (which is fvcking incredible for those of you who haven’t tried it).

Overall, it seems British Columbia is one of the least happy provinces in the country, with most of their cities and regions ranking near the bottom. Even beautiful Victoria is only ranked 27th. Conversely, despite all its problems, Quebec is rated as the happiest province in the country. Who knew?

Other interesting facts from this study:

  • People aged 40-60 reported lower levels of life satisfaction.
  • Women on average are happier than men.
  • Aboriginal people had higher levels of life satisfaction.
  • Generally speaking, the smaller the town the happier the people.
  • Married people have higher life satisfaction

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