You can easily get carried away while getting down and dirty and say the weirdest shit ever in the heat of the moment. You shouldn't lose yourself completely though, because saying dumb things could seriously damage your relationship. Have no fear, my friend. I'm providing you with a bedroom Bible you should abide by if you care enough about your lady to not want to lose her. Here's a list of things to never say to your girl while the two of you are getting hot in the bedroom.
1. "My ex used to like it when..."
Don't ever talk about your EX. Ever. Is it so hard to understand? No one cares about your ex. Talking about her is bad... but talking about her while you're having sex?! Just no. Like, "My ex used to like it when I licked her toes" - who cares? If you want to lick your girl's toes, just go for it. No need to bring up your ex.
2. "You're doing it wrong"
There are a bunch of ways to make your girl realize she's doing something wrong without actually saying it. If you straight up tell her that she is doing something wrong, it will kill her vibe and make her look super dumb. Just take the lead and show her how you want it done instead.
Your bedroom is the epitome of sexy, not goofy, keep that in mind. There are a few moments when occasional haha's are acceptable I guess, but it shouldn't become a habit. Keep the laughs for later.
4. "Wanna make a sex tape?"
Unless your girl asks you to make a sex tape à la Kim Kardashian, don't bring it up yourself. Especially not while going down on her or something. FYI, most girls are uncomfortable with the thought of being filmed while getting down and dirty. It would actually ruin their performance, if you know what I mean.
5. "Wanna have a threesome?"
Girls over analyze the shit out of everything you tell them. If you tell her you want a threesome, she will right away assume that you're not having enough fun with her alone or that she's not good enough for you. Be super careful with this touchy subject, you're walking on thin ice here.
6. "I have an early meeting tomorrow morning"
Ughhh, if you say something like that, you're an asshole. It basically means, "I only came here to bang, get it over with and get the fuck out." A girl wants you to always give her your best performance and take time. Don't rush through the fun sesh, mkay?
7. "Let's try something new"
Once again, remember that girls over analyze everything you say. "Let's try something new" means something completely different in girls' language. She will assume that what you really said was, "I'm bored. We always do the same shit in bed. You're not fun." You want to try something new? Go for it, don't ask for permission. Be an alpha male. Girls love guys who take the lead in bed anyway.
8. "Did you come yet?"
Um, if you have to ask or you're not sure, the answer is - no. Keep going buddy. Sorry.
9. "Don't worry, I'll pull out"
Pulling out is not an acceptable contraceptive method, dude. Can you be a responsible adult now? Thanks.
10. "Who is your daddy?"
WTF? You're definitely not my daddy... unless your girl has major daddy issues, then she might actually find it hot. Otherwise, stay away from this term.