When it comes to spending money, sometimes we just need a second opinion. That's why sites like TripAdvisor and Yelp carry so much weight for us, right? We rely so heavily on the testimonials of others to save ourselves from a potentially disappointing experience.

Thanks to the host of benevolent strangers on the Internet, we never have to worry about wasting our time and money on the wrong restaurant, hotel, tourist attraction, or prostitute ever again!

... What? Did I stutter?

Photo cred - Boudoir Epoque

Lurking in Montreal’s virtual back alleys is an online forum for lascivious men to discuss all things related to their bought-and-paid-for sexcapades and reassure each other that they’re getting the best, ahem… bang for their buck.

In Montreal, there are two main online sources for these guys – the notorious and exclusive MERB (Montreal Escort Review Board), and more accessible MERC (Montreal Escort Review Community). And anything goes here - ratings, reviews, recommendations, and, of course, nasty complaints. Although strip clubs and erotic massage parlours occupy a small space on the board, the reviews revolve heavily around the escort scene.

Participants give girls ratings on a scale of 10 for things like attractiveness, quality of service, overall attitude and personality - no, I didn’t know you could apply a quantitative measurement to a person’s character either - and of course, whether or not they would pay to play again.

Some members will even go so far as to describe the encounter in gratuitous detail so that it reads like an erotic lit excerpt.

Photo cred - High Witch Princess

One less explicit poster shares his thoughts on a recent experience:

I won't get into all the details. Posters here understand what companionship is. [She] speaks English well, is smart and friendly, so you will enjoy your time during breaks as much as the action itself.

Looks: 8

Service: 8

Attitude: 9

Repeat: Y

But wait, there's more! After all, where there are reviews, there are scathing complaints:

- “She doesn't even have a soft skin or anything. To make it worse, her behavior was just fitting all the ugliness she has!”

- “I had hard time getting my D up cuz of how 'unseductive' she was.”

- “I made a booking for the blonde and was very specific about it. Instead a brunette showed up who was nothing like the lady I ordered.”  (Man, I hate it when they screw up my order too...)

- “She's really not social, does her bj too quickly, rides too quickly, etc, not giving a damn if you're telling her to slow down. She will either do her stuff quick to get over it or fully stop.”

And sometimes, a guy just needs a little advice from his fellow participants: “How much do you guys spend a year? Is 10k too much? I will be stopping soon but was just curious.”  To which another replies, “$10K - $15K a year is about right. (Roughly half of what it would cost you to get married).” While yet another one adds, “Somewhere between $5k and $8k for me. Used to be much more. It should be a tax deductible expense.

Sorry, just give me a minute...

Photo cred - gif-007

On a scale of 1 to even, I really just can’t right now.

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