Photo cred - cgsociety

After watching a shit-ton of zombie movies and TV shows over the years, I've often thought of what I would do if a real zombie apocalypse broke out in Montreal. Don't lie, you probably have thought about it too.

After thinking about what I would do and where I would hide, I started to realize that Montreal is probably the best place in the world to survive a zombie outbreak.

Before we start, we have to establish some ground rules:

  • 1. We are in full-chaos zombie mode, so we aren't trying to prevent the zombies from reaching Montreal. They're already here.
  • 2. There is no government of police force left to enforce any rules.
  • 3. These aren't super zombies with incredible strength that can run really fast and have superhuman strength. They're regular old classic zombies, who walk slow and bite hard. (The Walking Dead, Night of the Living Dead and Shaun of the Dead) No World War Z crazy jumping/climbing over each other to scale a 50 foot wall type zombie.

Now that we've gotten that out of the the way it's time to find out why Montreal is the best place to survive a zombie apocalypse:

1. Montreal is an Island

We're surrounded by water so if we somehow manage to contain or even defeat the zombies that are already here (we totally will), we can easily stop more zombies and infected people getting in. Use a couple of semi-trucks to block the bridges, one guy at the airport to shoot whoever tries to land and we're good. Montreal is the perfect place to wait for this whole thing to blow over.


Photo cred - dailycamera

2. Mount Royal

Most of Montreal is on a slope, and even if it's just a slight slope, it's enough to encourage all the zombies to naturally walk downhill and away from Mount Royal. All we have to do is go uphill, takeover a few of the mansions, block a few roads and the zombies are fucked. And if the zombies do somehow take over the surface, we still have the underground city and the metro tunnel to build our new society. And if all that fails we have an old army fort on the top of the hill.


3. Restaurants

Having the most restaurants per capita in Canada means we have the most food. While a lot of that food will rot and go to waste there will also be a ton of canned goods as well as grains, beverages and preserves. We'll be okay for awhile and when we run out we can go raid the shipping containers in the old port.


4. Weapons

Sharpen a hockey stick and you have a pretty decent zombie decapitator (everyone has a hockey stick and if you don't, your dead zombie neighbor has one). Raid any of the many restaurants we have in Montreal and you not only have food but also a stockpile of knives and kitchen tools that make great weapons.


5. Snow Clearing Equipment

Our arsenal or snow clearing equipment is unmatched. And snow clearing equipment is also great for plowing the living shit out of a zombie hoard. You can just grab one of those giant shovel trucks and rip through the crowd. And if you're a truly twisted individual, you can drive the snow blower truck and rip those zombies to shreds while showering the remaining zombies with the blood and guts of their buddies. If all that fails we just use them to shovel all the zombies into the lower part of Decarie and fence it off on either side. Zombies contained.


6. Barricades

In addition the the mountain, the underground city and the metro system. The streets of Montreal are a great place to fence yourself off. Many of the city blocks downtown are made up of buildings stuck to each other with no alleyways. Pick any block, park a couple of trucks on either end of the street and you have the perfect place to start your new civilization.


Photo cred - ign

7. Winter

One thing we have to remember is that we don't need to survive the zombie apocalypse, we just have to make it to winter. Once winter hits, the cold will turn all those zombies into freezer burned steaks. You'll be able to walk freely among them since they wont be able to move. Once spring comes along the newly thawed zombie meat popsicles will just collapse under their own weight. That's when the point #1 and the snow clearing equipment comes into play.


8. Diverse population

Thanks to our ethnically diverse population we have the great chance of finding someone who's genetically immune to the zombie virus, which also means we have great chance of developing a cure. Even if no one's immune, the diverse population is perfect for repopulating the earth.


9. Equipment

Because we're already prepared for winter every year,  we all have everything you'll need to make yourself the perfect anti-zombie armor. All you'll need is a snowsuit and some duct tape. Put your suit on and cover the outside with 2 layers of tape. Let's see those puny zombie jaws try to bite through that shit. If you don't have a snowsuit you can always just put duct tape over a thick hoodie. (gotta protect your neck) Now you're ready to hunt down the undead.


10. Beer

The only thing more important than survival is keeping your spirits up. If you've given up hope then the zombies win. To help keep your sanity you'll need things that remind you of your life before this all happened. So the fact that we have tons of microbreweries, plenty of stocked bars and if we run out we always venture to Molson factory in Longeuil. That means we have access to a massive stockpile of beer to keep our spirits up during those long boring (netflix-less) nights.

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